You’re only going to meet one person in your life. One person who will take your breathe away; in ways that you can’t even describe. They’ll become your everything. You’d drop your friends to see them, stay up all night to listen to their voice, and honestly just do anything and everything for them. Hold on tight to them because you may meet someone different, but they won’t compare to that special one.
I met that person. A goofy, blonde, blue eyed, and 6’4 boy who turned my world upside down. He tested me in ways I never knew I could be tested on. He took my breathe away with just one look. He looked at me so intense sometimes I thought my heart would just burst out of my chest. I began to crave his touch. Not just the touch when he’d take my clothes off and set me gently on the bed. The touch when he’d pull me closer at night, cup my face in his hands and tell me everything will be okay, poke my nose teasingly, hug my waist, and so many more things. His touch repaired me. It healed me. I melted into him whenever we touched. His lips were the softest things to ever touch mine. They fit perfectly together like jigsaw pieces. When they touched I felt a deep connection…. A connection that went deeper than just “I love you”. We are a part of each other. That’s what happens when you fall in love. You don’t see it, but you can feel yourself falling deeply and helplessly in love.
We had our ups and downs. Every love story does even though we’d like to have the “perfect” one. To me though, we were perfectly imperfect. We fought about the silliest things. Things that shouldn’t matter, but at the time it did. We’d scream, cry, cuss, and freak out on each other, but we were in love. So when you’re in love you always forgive. No matter what was said or done, we forgive. That’s the most beautiful yet ugly thing about it all. We will always forgive them because we love them, but sometimes we shouldn’t. That’s when you need to decide if your love is stronger than your anger. For us it was. You could throw anything at us, and we’d get through it. We’d come back stronger, and wait for something else to come. We never gave up because that wasn’t in our vocabulary. I cherished that about us. That no matter what at the end of the day we loved each other. Honestly, that’s all that matters.
I’ll always remember the good times. There are so many good times, but yet I can tell you every single one if I wanted to. I memorized the way he came into my house. He’d hop over a step on my porch, swing the door open, come find me, smile that perfect smile, and hug me to the point I could feel the passion transferring between us. From that point I don’t know where to begin. On our lazy days we’d lay together surfing the TV to find something to watch. The Walking Dead was our shit, and when I say our shit I mean it. It was serious business and we never missed an episode. We sat in the same spot and position every time, and my mom never failed to ask endless, pointless questions. We went on many adventures together. We had an unforgettable picnic, walks with my doggie, pokemon hunting, workouts, dances in the rain, board games, duets in the car, dances, parties, pore strips, pimple popping, pulling hairs out, making dinner together, studying together, and I could go on and on forever. Our dates were always special no matter what the occasion. Although I loved eating dinner, watching movies, going to Botanica, shopping, and mini golfing together I enjoyed the car rides the most. Singing to each other was probably one of my favorite things about it. He’d try and hit the high notes, fail miserably, but his goal wasn’t to sing well… it was to put a smile on my face. He never failed to do so either.
Every love story has their battles though. We had many battles, but this one could not be forgotten. Our love lost that battle. What was once a strong, brilliant, embracing love was now shattered and disappearing before we could scream stop. I not only lost the love of my life that day, but I lost myself. I lost my light. I lost the person who knew what I was thinking by one look. The person who would lose sleep for me because I needed them. I lost my pick me up. In the moment though, I was furious. We both were. And at 10:20 a.m. two hearts were shattered.
Looking back three months I realize how ridiculous it all was.How we shouldn’t have given up the way we did and how we did. I also see how blind I was to his pain. I was blinded by my pain. We both were. We took all the anger we had been feeling and felt, the sadness we were going through and had gone through, and we just held onto it to throw at each other’s faces. You don’t do that when you love someone. We didn’t mean to do that but we were so angry. So angry that we knew we were coming to an end if we couldn’t stop our anger. We couldn’t and we didn’t.
Nine months have gone by since we broke up. We never lost contact because we couldn’t. Since December I realized he was the one I wanted to truly marry again and I went for it, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. I found out a lot of s*** in March about my love. That he made out with a girl for the heck of it, smoked "something" eight times, and had sex with a girl who he always told me not to worry about. My soul mate then proceeded to lie to my face about all of that. But I still loved him. Graduation night he came back into my life and I have never been so happy. I could see the way he loved me again. And I never thought I would have the chance to say this but I fell in love with my best friend again. The butterflies came back. The tight knots I’d get in my stomach when sending a risky, flirty text came back. Everything came rushing back and I loved all of it. A month and a week flew by with him by my side again. I loved every second with him and I craved his attention thinking he craved mine…but I guess all good things have to come to an end. One night at a party I realized he turned into the guy I told myself I would never be with. A guy who chews, smokes, doesn’t defend his girl, lies, hangs out with other girls without telling his “special” girl, and plays games. He always knew just the right words to say to me to have me falling again. He used my love for him against me. I thought he was done with all of those ways but I guess the player learned to play the game better.
He’ll always be the love of my life and I know I’ll always be there for him. Now I realize though, I don’t have to give him my love, attention, and heart to a guy who doesn’t even appreciate or care for it. Although I don’t want to let go of him I now know I’m the only person holding us together. You can’t make someone want you..it’s just not possible. You know it’s time to walk away when they don’t even try to stop you.
You’re only going to meet one person in your life. One person that will change your life forever but I guess I was never clear whether it would be for the better or worse. Apparently you have more than one “love of your life”, each teaching you a different lesson. One of my best friends said to me, “You will thank him for the walls he put up because the right guy will come around and tear them down for you.” I wish that blonde boy was that guy ,and maybe he is, but until then I need to love myself. So always love like you’ve never been hurt because every love story is just another lesson or a new begining.
