Watching you wither away, each day dying a little bit more, will forever be burned into my mind. But as much as it broke me to watch you die,I couldn’t leave your side. And as much as I hate to admit it, this is how it haunts me forever.
I was there when so many others weren’t, I couldn’t let you be there scared and alone all those nights, that would’ve broken my heart even more.
I understand why some people chose not to come, they didn’t want the memory of their loved one to be shattered, altered with the memory of their death and deterioration.
But I set aside your pain to give you my undivided attention, to make sure you knew you were loved and so important to me. I risked my happiness, I risked my glistening and glimmering memories of you to see you in your darkest days and I’d do it all over again if I could.
Because the little bit of time you had left on this earth, I wanted to spend it with you. I wish I could have saved you, I wish I could love you so hard that it cured you.
I wish I could have made everything better… But that wasn’t an option, there’s no beating death. So instead, I stuck by your side till your very last breath.
I hope you know that I refuse to allow my memory of you to be tainted from watching you die, the happy memories still shine so bright.
I can still feel your arms around me sometimes, the warmth of being wrapped up in one of your big hugs. I even hear your voice in my head sometimes, it keeps me calm when I need it most.
I miss you every second of every day and I pray that I’m making you proud down here. Everything reminds me of you, both happy and sad, but I know I’m blessed to have had you in my life.
While I wouldn’t wish watching a loved one pass away anyone, I feel lucky to have been the one by your side through it all. You will forever and always be alive in my heart.
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