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This is How You Say "Fuck it" to Your Self-Doubt

Why do we feel broken when we are meant to complete ourselves more than anyone else and yet who is to blame for this endless feeling of fear and insecurity?. We do this to ourselves.

It’s an indescribable feeling when you are left in your own company and you search for companionship in the worst places because you realize that you cannot be alone with your own thoughts.

I have always blamed others for not finding the good in me merely because I never fully accepted the bad in myself. I chose the bad every single day instead of realizing that the good outweighed the bad. I found myself searching for goodness in others because I failed to find it within myself and where did that lead me to? 

It led me to broken promises, broken hearts and broken words. Everything that I assumed would bring me happiness just ended up tearing me down and I never quite understood why … until I was forced to confront myself.

I stood there, in front of broken glass, watching the broken edges sharpen their way through the deepest thoughts within my mind. Looking at the reflection through the glass beneath me. Wondering when I would ever realize that I was meant to save myself instead of breaking myself down. 

Staring at my eyes as they slowly started revealing all of my insecurities without uttering a single word.

Why is it so easy for us to blame ourselves and hurt our own hearts thus allowing others to break us down even further? I looked at my reflection and I hated the person staring back at me. I thought that I looked horrendous until I looked up and saw the ray of sun beaming down at the glass. Watching the glass brighten while I was being reflected upon it.

That was it! That was my moment! I realized that the emptiness was always there but not because of broken people or broken promises but my brokenness. The way I saw myself was the way others saw me. I thought I was hiding it when I was showing it subliminally.

It changed my entire perspective. We become so consumed with everything around us that we tend to forget that we have to be our own best friend in order to find those worthy of us. We have to treat ourselves the way we would treat our best friend. We have to love ourselves the way we love those around us because the love from within reflects the love we receive.

You cannot expect to be loved or to fill the void of love that you lack within yourself. It was something I had to learn gradually. I never found myself to be someone worth loving and that led to me never being loved the way I deserved. 

I always thought it was the person I was with but instead it was the fact that I allowed them to treat me less than worthy knowing that I deserved more but still feeding onto my insecurities.

I realized that I was to blame not for my life but for the way I was living and yet I don’t regret it because it taught me how important it is to love yourself. It taught me that I am worthy and forever will be. It showed me how different life can be once you accept yourself and become your biggest supporter. It taught me that love finds those who love themselves because once you start loving yourself unconditionally, nobody else matters and settling will never be an option.

I chose myself over everything because through myself, I found happiness. I found my best friend. I found my greatest supporter and I found the love that was never lost but just needed to be found.

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