I write this with tears streaming down my face.
I feel nothing, yet I feel everything at once.
I can see the darkness in my life, with no light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy anymore. I don’t remember what it’s like to feel beautiful. I don’t remember what it feels like to not want to die.
I can literally feel my heart aching and I just wish it would stop.
Actions have consequences and this is my punishment.
Every day is a struggle to just get out of bed because I secretly hope that I don’t wake up the next day. It’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror every day, get dressed, put my makeup on and head out the door to go to work.
It’s hard to fake a smile when all I want to do is break down and cry. I just want one person to tell me that I’m not as worthless as I feel. Is it so difficult to just go through one day without feeling like I’m dead inside? Will I ever get my happiness back or is it gone for good?
I feel:
Alone. Worthless. Broken. Hopeless. Isolated. Ruined.
This is who I am now. An empty shell of the person I used to be.
