The classic term of “abusive ex” is so over used. My abuse wasn't just physical, although there was some of that. Mine was more of a form of torture. A torture thats forever embedded in my brain.
When I think of you, I don't think of the time you left me at a bar to just find you one street over, shacking up with another girl. I think of all the times where I was so helplessly in love with you that I was okay with public PDA and wearing sweatpants to a fancy restaurant. I think about how you use to have a key to my apartment and your green toothbrush in the drawer. But my favorite memory of all? The night I passed all my midterms and we went for a night out on the town.
The sad thing about most abusive relationships is that they usually occur during the most important moments of your life. Whether its during a job promotion, a serious health issue or when someone you love passes away. It happens when you least expect it. Just some perfect person walks into your life and bam, you're sucked in. Why? Because you think they're going to make this day/month/year even better.
You're so wrong.
I don't miss the yelling, the manipulation and the threats. I sure as hell don't miss the physical abuse where just an hour later you'll apologize, making me think it's my fault you slapped me. I don't even miss the good times. Because the good times were just merely a break from the horrible things you did to me.
But I miss my freedom. I miss being the person I was before you came along and I miss my old place.
So now its been a year, and every so often you call at 3 am to tell me that you love me and miss me. Ive blocked every number but somehow you always make your way back.
So this is to you,
Stop calling.
Stop pretending to care.
Stop lying to yourself.
And screw off.
Sincerely,
The girl that deserves better
