There's not a day that goes by that your face doesn't pop into my mind. There is always at least one thing that I see or hear, every day, that reminds me of who we used to be.
I know the pain of losing you will never fully go away.
It's slowly becoming more bearable though. Most days it's more of a dull ache than a crushing pain. I've come to realize I'll spend the rest of my life with that dull ache and sometimes I feel like I've gotten to a place where I'm okay with that.
Those days I'm okay. It's the other ones that almost destroy me. It's the days when something amazing or absolutely horrible happens and everything in me wants to turn to you.
These are the days when I can feel my heart breaking even more.
I feel it on nights when I feel so lonely and I want to roll over and snuggle up next to you. I feel it in the mornings when I just had the craziest dream and I roll over expecting my "Good Morning" text.
Mostly, it's the days when I allow myself to ask "What happened?" even though I know I will never get a full answer.
Sometimes I can imagine your voice, your eyes, your smile like your sitting next to me. And then, once again I'm back to feeling like I can't breathe. I'm back to feeling like my heart is endlessly falling from my chest.
The only thing I want to do is forget.
Forget I ever met you. Forget your name, your face, you melodious laugh, and how much you ever meant to me. Forget how much I loved you and all our plans for a future together. It's these days that I'm not so sure everything happens for a reason.
I just want the pain to go away. I don't want you to have the power to take my breath away.
Will I ever feel okay without you?