I used to think that I knew you well. I thought that we would be in one another’s lives for a while. Longer than this. But things happen. We both got older, moved away, made new friends and started new lives.
But I want you to know that you were the one person that I thought would always stay. Would always be on my side if I was right or wrong. And granted, I have been wrong more often than not.
But you were supposed to support me no matter what because that’s what friends do.
And you didn’t.
When I really needed you the most, you let me fall. You watched and smiled and walked away. And for that I can honestly say I will never be able to forgive you.
I will never really want too.
I wanted you to be there when when I got married, I wanted our kids to be friends. I wanted to call you in fifteen years and feel like no time has passed at all.
Because you weren’t just my longest friend, but my truest. Or so I thought.
I understand, of course, that I haven’t made the best choices, there are things I regret. But when someone is in your life for as long as you have been in mine, there should be a certain level of understanding.
Because I thought that you knew me. I thought that you would be a grown up and be able to get over whatever I did or said to make you hate me some much but you haven’t.
And that’s your own right.
I just want you to know that it’s not so much what I said, but it’s the way that you handled it.
And it was the way that you yelled, the way that you treated me like I was three years old again.
That’s never been us.
But you’ve changed. And so have I.
But the thing is, I wanted to believe that I still fit into your life. I wanted to know that I still had a place in your world but time and distance has made you into someone I don’t know.
Someone I don’t want to know.
Because you have the biggest and best heart of everyone I have ever met but you showed me no kindness. After all this time, you treated me like nothing.
And for that, I hate you.
Because if it’s anything that I have learned after being on my own it’s that if the people in your life aren’t treating you the right way, if even for a minute they make you feel like less than you are, you have to let them go.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I’m letting go of you. Because you turned into someone I don’t want around, someone I don’t want to worry about, someone whose heart is too small for anyone else but herself.
And again, I wish that things didn’t happen like this but we both molded into different people and if we met now, we would probably hate one another.
And it breaks my heart to say that.
Believe me I have held onto this thing for as long as I could. I wanted you to be my person. But now I’m saying goodbye and wishing you all the best.
