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To My Step Daughter’s Mom, You Are a Blessing

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This is a response letter to “To My Daughter’s Stepmom.”

To my step daughter’s mother,

I, too, never wanted you here. I never imagined having my future husband’s ex in my life let alone his life. I never even imagined my future husband staying in contact with an ex of his.

When I imagined what my life would be like it certainly didn’t include you. It didn’t even include your daughter. I had imagined creating a life with him and having a family with our children. Children that were biologically both of ours.

When I found out about your daughter I was scared, but I was also excited because I had none of my own yet and I loved children. When I met her for the first time I was afraid of her not liking me, but I really wanted her to. I remember though how quickly she took to me after a short while and how quickly my heart warmed up to her. I have honestly loved her since day one.

I remember meeting you for the first time and I was scared shitless. I, too, just like you, were hoping that you were ugly. The things I had heard about baby mamas and I was ultimately afraid of you hating my guts without even getting to know me first. In fact I think you did hate me at first, but it’s ok because as a mother now myself I could never imagine another women being in my children’s life the way I was in your daughter’s life. I wanted to be there for your daughter when you weren’t around and she needed a mother figure when you weren’t there, but even from the start I never wanted to replace you.

I grew up having a stepmom myself and I always felt she tried to replace my mom and I hated that. I grew up hating her and now today I hate that I lived my childhood that way. Being a stepmom, I have more respect for her. I understand how hard it is to try and not step on anyone’s toes when all your heart wants to do is love and be there for a child.

I love your daughter as much as I love my own children. Your daughter was there before mine even existed. Your daughter taught me how to be a mother before I was one to my own kids. Your daughter is a huge blessing and is just as much as life’s greatest gifts to me as my own children are.

Thank you for sharing her with me. Thank you for letting me hug her, spoil her, love her, and spend time with her. Thank you for understanding me better over the years and realizing that I’m not here to replace you and I never want to. Thank you for letting me call her my daughter too. After all these years I could not imagine her not being in my life and I am so blessed that she is. Loving someone else’s child is a whole new level of love that you can never explain or understand unless you yourself too are in that position too.

I really didn’t want you here. I didn’t want you to be pretty. I didn’t want to like you. I didn’t want you to have my future husband’s phone number let alone for you to share a daughter together. I didn’t want any of it, but I am glad that I have it all because without you I wouldn’t be a mother to one extra child that has changed my whole world. Without you I wouldn’t have changed my outlook on how I feel about my own step mother. Without you I wouldn’t be blessed to be able to be a bonus mom to our beautiful daughter. Thank you.

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