Toxic relationships can physically suck the life out of you. They’re draining and exhausting.
You are constantly going back and forth to this one human being knowing darn good they aren’t good for you but you just can’t seem to get enough. You love them so much that you’re willing to over-look all the negatives just to continue loving them.
But it starts off just like any other relationship, if not better. When I met my ex it was like fate. I was in a really dark place and he grabbed me by the hands and dragged me out of it.
He just came out of nowhere and lit my world up. We undeniably clicked.
No awkward phases, no short conversations, and no uncomfortable situations. I felt like I had known him my whole life. For the first few months, it was amazing. I felt worthy of someone and someone’s love.
He treated me like a princess and never failed to let me know that I was beautiful. We were like Bonnie and Clyde, just two love birds against the world. We were a package deal. You didn’t get him without me and vice versa.
But just as every toxic relationship goes, the conversations got shorter, the phone calls got quieter, and the relationship became distant.
He was afraid of the love I was offering because he knew he couldn’t return that same amount. He did what every guy does when they become afraid, he ran.
I’m all of a sudden trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, and trying to heal a broken soul when I finally had enough. I let him go and I’d be lying if I said it was easy because it was probably one of the hardest things I have had to overcome.
But something great happened when I let go.
I started to love myself and love life. Of course, I loved life with him but it wasn’t the same. It was different and I began to focus on the people in my life.
I reconnected with old friends and now we’re together almost every day. I got more involved in my family life.
I hadn’t realized my sister was going through her “love” phase and desperately needed big sister’s advice. My mom and I got closer and became more open. I got more involved in everyday life and explored more.
I was free.
I was constantly focusing on my relationship and trying to fix this broken person that I completely abandoned everyone around me.
My ex and I ended off badly but I am happy to say that a year later we were both able to be mature and work out our differences.
And although talking to him and seeing him is difficult in my heart and his, we both know that sometimes you’re meant to be in love but you’re not meant to be together.
Toxic relationships can be a pain in the ass, they can mentally and physically drain you but because of my toxic relationship, I found myself.