I totally understand the whole “everything happens for a reason” thing. I really do. I just haven’t actually learned how to accept it quite yet. My heart is still so wounded and it’s looking for that familiar love to heal again.
I cannot help that when I hear your voice it gives me a sick and painful feeling in the pit of stomach. I immediately begin to fight back tears and smooth over the choked up sound in my voice. I promise to you that my silence isn’t intentional; I am trying to keep my weakness from showing.
I need you to leave me alone.
I don’t have the control to tell you no.
I don’t have the backbone to stand up for my heart.
You need to take everything that I mean to you and shove it in a box underneath your bed. Sleep on it. Sleep on the pain that you have caused me for years. Sleep on everything that you have done to me and I hope it eats you alive.
I physically and emotionally cannot handle being in your life any longer. It is absolutely toxic.
I need you to realize that you are doing more damage to me than you think that you are. I’m so afraid to tell you all of this in fear that my heart will be damaged even more.
I cannot handle the pain of your phone calls or texts. We are no longer even friends. You don’t break down the people you love, even in a friendship.
If you need someone to talk to, I need you to go and talk to someone else.
I cannot sit on the other line and listen to you complain about the things that I was always there to help you walk through. You never realized what actually sat in front of your face; you ever realized that I was always there to help you walk trough the obstacles in your path. You walked away from my hand when I offered it for you to take hold.
You don't ignore help from people that love you enough to give it.
It destroys me to have loved you so much that I gave all of my energy to you. You took my time in your life for granted. Now I need you to go away.
Quit following me. Heal yourself, by yourself, for yourself.
From this very moment, I will no longer allow you to interrupt the healing of my own broken heart with your constant toxic schemes.
