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To the Destructive Mother

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Dear Mom,

You had me at a young age and I get it, you didn't get to live the life you wish you could have. You dropped out of high school, got your GED, and skipped going to college so you could start a full time job. But it wasn't for me, or for you. It was just the right thing to do. 

What wasn't the right thing to do was abusing me and taking out your mistakes on me. Because of you, I didn't know my biological father or the several half siblings that I have. Because of you, I don't have a good relationship with the father that adopted me (thanks for never telling me by the way). Because of you, I didn't get to grow up with my brother and sister, because your abusive tendencies made your parents make an executive decision to intervene and took me to live with them because you were incapable of being a good mother to me. 

I'm jealous of the way you love my siblings. You once told me that you don't remember going to any of my activities when I was growing up all the way through high school. Am I that much of a disappointment or a burden to you that you couldn't love me the same way you love them? That's what it feels like. 

I'm sorry that you have have this resentment towards me, but I'm not the one who spread my legs and got pregnant during high school. That's on you. And if you can't come to terms with that and see that I actually turned out alright and am someone you should be proud of… well, that's on you too.

I'm pretty smart. Straight A student during high school and college. Have multiple degrees. But none of this ever mattered to you, did it? For some reason, you chose to ignore my accomplishments and only focused on the fact that I wasn't the cheerleader, popular girl. That bothered you a lot and for the life of me I can't figure out why because I think you should have been proud of my accomplishments, but you just couldn't do that. I don't blame you, though. You have your demons just like we all do and I hope maybe one day you'll figure them out.


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