I hold everyone else together when they’re falling apart. I’ve been the shoulder to cry on countless times, for countless people. So when I actually need someone, why am I not good enough?
Everyone that I care about, steps inside just long enough to kill me a little more, then they’re gone, adding more agony to the mix. Every time I let myself open up to people they discover my soft spots and then use them against me.
I’m tired of opening up because I’m dying inside, and then having yet another person leave their own bloody mark.
All I have is the pain I’ve been pretending so well for so long that I actually started to believe that I was happy.
Now the scales are being pulled from my eyes, the rose tinting on the world is gone.
I felt loved for a few months, really loved. My self-value increased and maybe everything I told myself was true. I started to become happy, and then he was gone. It crushed down on me that the one person who ever made me feel like I should exist didn’t really want me after all.
Why do people always pretend that they want me around? Only for some tiny insignificant thing to happen and they retract every kind thing they’ve ever said.
What mistake do I keep making that I can’t even have friends? They say they trust me and then when it matters most they’re the ones who end up being the poison snake.
I’m not just something that you can play with. I’m a human and I’m so broken down that I can’t even feel anymore.
I’ve been told that I’m great at so many things but I tell myself that I won’t amount to anything because that’s how I’ve been treated.
It’s not any one person's fault, the blame belongs on the heads of everyone who has ever pushed me out or hurt me until I crawled away bleeding.
I have a very rare few who will be there for me when I need them, and I’ll be there for them, but what they don’t know is that because of all the people before them… I can’t let them in.
I want to let them in. I need someone to see that I’m already shattered inside and that the shards of who I want to be are killing me from inside. I need to let someone in, but I’m so afraid of getting hurt.
I just want to feel needed. I need to feel wanted. I don’t have anyone to just be myself with. Every single person has some kind of stigma. They all think I’m someone, I’m really that person and someone else. They don’t really know me because I’ve been hiding, trying for years to keep from being hurt.
Why does everyone want me to help me with their lives, but the second I need someone to help with this newest bloody streak they scatter like roaches in the light?
I’m the counselor for the difficult decisions, the rock to stand on in unsteady times.
Why is it ok for you to run when I’ve been there for you through thick and thin? What could I have possibly done to deserve this?
Why does everyone leave me behind when I’ve held fast for so long?
