It’s hard feeling helpless while watching the person you love struggle with a disease like alcoholism. It’s hard not to blame yourself. You want to fix him so badly, and you get so frustrated when nothing seems to work.
You get tired of the constant lies. You can’t trust a word he says because now it’s not just about alcohol. He has gotten so used to hiding his drinking and covering it up with lies, it’s become second nature to him. Did he really go to the gym? Is he taking care of the dog? You even question something as simple as him taking out the trash.
Everything becomes an argument. He takes out his depression and anger and hate on you; the one person who hasn’t abandoned him. The one person who has put her entire life on hold for him. The one who loves him so much, she can’t imagine letting him go or even doing anything differently.
You start to ask yourself questions like “does he not really love me?” or “am i not good enough?” “If he loved me more, would he be willing to fight this?” Well, don’t. You are good enough. He probably does love you. But he loves alcohol more.
When the loneliness hits and you feel like giving up, try and remember these things :
First of all, nothing is your fault. It’s hard to stress that enough. You are not to blame for any of this.
You are not alone. So many people out there have been through the same situation and many are still fighting through it. Having someone to talk to that understands how you feel can make a huge difference.
When a person struggles with an addiction, it is beyond their control and even more so beyond yours. If they are not ready to confront the issue or change their behavior, they simply won’t. No matter how many times they try and convince you otherwise. No matter how many times they say “I didn’t mean it last time but I really mean it this time. I’m going to get help. I’m going to stop.”
Don’t enable him. It’s nearly impossible to watch someone you love destruct. You want to help him off the floor, take away his keys, give him water and take care of him when he gets sick. It’s a natural response. But the more you do that, the more you are enabling him. He has to hit rock bottom on his own and learn from his mistakes without having you there to babysit and clean up his messes.
You are incredibly strong. Whether you stay for the long haul or not. It takes incredible emotional strength to love someone with an addiction and even more to try and stick it out. When it feels like there is no hope, remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. With him or without, you will get through it.
Call your friends or family you’ve probably started to push away. Don’t isolate yourself and above all, do not forget to make time for yourself. Don’t let his addiction take over your life.
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