Sometimes it's easier if we go through life with a poker face, trying to stay strong, without allowing people to see how everything around you is really affecting you.
In the moment that might be the easiest option, but in the long run, that'll really take a toll on your emotional state.
But not only that but also how you create relationships with the people around you. Your inner demons start to eat away at how you look at life and color the world differently.
You start to not feel like yourself, and you know you're not acting like yourself, and when people don't ask you what's the matter it annoys you.
How these people can claim to know you when you don’t even tell them half of the things going on with you?
The resentment starts to build up wondering why no one cares enough to dig deeper. You are creating a disconnect with those around you and it's only making yourself feel worse.
And on those really bad days, you begin to wonder if some people are even worth it to keep around if you can't even express to them how you feel inside.
But if you did tell them what's going on in your head, you fear that they'll realize you are not enough. That you're the one who's not worth it.
You know that people want to have an emotional bond with you, and you want that too, but it feels impossible to build. So the fear of them leaving when they don't get what they want sets in and the impossible becomes beyond impossible.
You start to feel like a stranger, even amongst your closest friends.
Every time you have to hold back the tears it's like you're losing yourself a little bit more but you continue to pretend everything is okay… until you just break.
Bottling your emotions is very difficult, and it can make even the strongest person snap.
As someone who lives day-to-day hiding how she feels, I can assure you that you are not alone.
I can admit my fear of vulnerability and weakness prevents me from opening up, even when I really want to.
It is exhausting to live like this day to day but luckily I have found a couple people here and there that I am beginning to open up to. It is very difficult and sometimes they feel like failed attempts, but the successful ones make it worth it.
Believe me, you are not alone and you should never feel alone. Ultimately if someone makes you feel alone, they might not be worth the time or the effort.
At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you, and your well-being.
