Most girls think they’re smart, above the nonsense they see their friends go through when it comes to dating. I used to sit back and listen to my friends vent and think to myself “I’d never put up with half the shit she/he puts up with.” I used to think I was so superior because I’d never been manipulated, lied to, or deceived like half my friends were. I would think anyone with a brain in their head would see that guy is just a total jerk and kick his ass to the curb.
Then, it happened. I became THAT GIRL– the one I swore I’d never be. I got played like a goddamn violin.
I saw everything in a new perspective that I could never understand before. I finally understood why girls would drive themselves crazy with questions, why they’d make excuses for shitty behavior, or they’d simply just believe all the lies they were told.
So let me spare you a lot of time and overthinking, if you have a suspicion in your gut that you’re being played, you probably are.
It all starts out great, everything in the beginning is always amazing. When you see his name pop up on your phone your eyes light up. Just hearing from them could make your day, as lame as that may sound.
He knows exactly what to say, literally. It’s almost as if he can read your mind, and everything he says is what you need to hear at the time he says it. So in your mind you think “wow, he gets it, this is actually going somewhere.” When in reality, you should’ve ran in the other direction as fast as you could have.
Then his messages with you go from once a week, to a couple days in a row. And then you’re really getting yourself going thinking “okay progress, we are moving forward.”
But, here lies the red flag you refused to pay attention to: the more he texts you the more of a pattern starts to form.
You start to notice he will only message you late at night, usually after later in the day, after work, when he’s home alone. Which everyone with a brain in their head knows THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG. But of course, you wanted to excuse it and think it was nothing. “He’s messaging me, that’s all that matters, right?”
Then you’d try and go out of your comfort zone, and message him. But every time you did you felt like you were bothering him, you’d get back one word answers or nothing at all.
You would start questioning yourself, beating yourself up, overthinking and overanalyzing everything you said. It would always go back to “what did I do wrong??” You would always place blame on yourself.
So you figure, I’m going to go out and try and get out of my head. You call up your girlfriends and go out to have a good time. But the more you drink the more you start to get in your head again. Then, you cave and message him because you have so many questions that you demand answers to.
Then, as always, it comes back and falls on you. You question where this is going and get made to feel like a fool for asking. He will manipulate you, twist your thoughts, and make you think you’re crazy for questioning it. Or you’re wrong for feeling the way you do, and if you feel that way then why are you even talking to him?
Again you’re beating yourself up. Then he comes back in, with those thoughts and words you need to hear, to reassure you everything is fine. He will even throw some new lines in there you haven’t heard before to make you feel that much better about him.
Everything goes great for a few more days, maybe a week or two. Then you find yourself back at square one again. With the questions, the thoughts, and the over thinking…
But this time, you’re fed up. You’re sick and tired of being treated this way, like you’re someone’s back up plan. You’re too good to be put on a shelf until someone is ready for you. You deserve someone who means every word they say, who actually follows up their words with actions.
So you speak up, and this time you’re not walking on eggshells. But guess what happens when you do? You’re made to look like the jerk again. But this time you know HE’S the jerk, not you. And you walk away, like you should’ve done as soon as you started to feel like something wasn’t right.
You wanted to believe there was good in him, that the person you thought he was is still there. And he very well may be, but you shouldn’t have to search for him. You’ll be angry, you’ll probably be sad, but you will get over it. And when you do, you’re going to sit back and know in your soul that this didn’t happen because of you.
At the end of the day, he’s the one who has issues, whether it was with commitment, opening up to someone, or he just wanted to have his cake and eat it, too.
The best thing you can do in this situation is learn from it, and hope that he and everyone like him grows the fuck up one day. Don’t hold a grudge, because if you do he wins. Let it all go, and just take it as a lesson, and to remember you deserve love and respect.
Your time will come, and when it does, you’ll forget all about whatshisface and the bullshit he pulled.
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