It was never easy to love you. Loving you is like fire loving rain. We were so toxic for each other, but that didn't stop me from trying. I gave you everything even after realizing that I could never give you what you truly wanted.
You see, I have a free soul. Buying a house and settling down just isn't my life, your life will always be here but that's not what I wanted.
I want to travel and see the world. I want to experience things only people dream of experiencing. I want to jump out of airplanes and soar over trees and mountains.
I want to dive into every ocean and feel every type of sand between my toes.
I want to learn a new language that I can speak fluently. I want to chase my dreams, not stifle them.
I have been catering to your needs for too long. I was so worried about loving you and making you happy that I dropped everything in my life just to love you. You never asked me to do this but I felt like I needed too.
There were so many moments that triggered my unhappiness in our relationship, but I couldn't walk away. You were like a drug for me and I just couldn't get enough.
Everyone began to notice the hold you had on me. Friends and even my family told me they were worried but I ignored their warnings. "He's just using you."
Was something I heard on a daily basis. Using me? Never.
But eventually, the reality set in. When you hear something on a daily basis, you start to believe it eventually… but the proof was also right in front of me.
I never actually said goodbye to you. I guess that's something I haven't had the guts to do. You asked me to the day we finally broke up, but the word never came out of my mouth. You have still have this hold on me.
I will admit that I'm still not over you. I still cry for you. I still sob into the night thinking about how our life was "supposed to be". I miss your warm touch and your morning kisses to wake me.
The problem is, it would never work out. With my free soul continuously begging for new adventures, and yours just begging to stay home. The biggest problem is that we are in two completely different stages in our lives.
I keep telling myself that maybe one day when my soul settles down things would be better. The truth is, the gap is too big.
In order for us both to move on, we must let go. I have found that letting go of pain is one of the hardest things a person can do.
So I am doing it today. It's time to move on.