My sun and stars, It's been some time now since you left me, and despite my most valiant efforts, I am no closer to being over you. I know how crazy that must sound to you because you have done everything you could to make me hate you.
But the fact is, I think I will forever remain in love with you.
People say it gets easier with time, and it might. Now when I think of you, it no longer feels like someone punched me in my chest, but rather I smile and linger on the pictures of you in my mind.
I vividly remember the gleam in your beautiful green eyes and how at times they reminded me of a single sunflower in a vast field of vibrant green grass. Yes, it gets easier, but only in the sense that it gets easier to love you without you here.
When I think of the past year I can see the progress I have made in moving on, but I can also see the undeniable validation in my belief that you were the one for me.
Although you called off our wedding two months before we were set to walk down the aisle, flashes of still frames from our first dance wash over me like true memories of something that never happened.
And when my neck is sore from tension, I can still feel the goosebumps I'd get every time you would massage it away.
I think what I struggle with is why because you never gave me a real reason. Your change of heart was so sudden and unexpected that to this day I can't make sense of it no matter how hard I try.
We were happy and more in love than any of the other couples we knew. Our relationship wasn't all me, it was you too. It was you who told me you loved me first, you're the one who brought up marriage, and you're the one who got down on one knee in front of my entire family on Christmas Day and asked me to be your wife.
I still have no idea how I went from being the love of your life to just another ex so suddenly without warning.
It's not like I haven't tried to forget you. I keep myself busy and I have poured my all into being a mom and excelling at work.
I've dated other men, and some of them were good men with potential. But I think subconsciously I always back away because the fact of the matter is they aren't you.
I know that you've moved on with someone new, and honestly I wish you nothing by the best. Yes, it hurts me, but what I truly want is for you to be happy and fulfilled even if it's not with me.
I want you to fall for someone and love them the way I fell for you and love you.
It just breaks my heart that it won't be me.
Despite the fact that I am eternally in love with you, I am optimistic about the future of my love life. I hope that one day I can love someone else as passionately and unconditionally as I love you.
I know that I will never forget you and that a piece of my heart with always belong to you, but I do realize that my life must go on without you. The only thing I can do is accept that I must learn to live and love with a chunk of my heart missing.
