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To the Guy Who Was Like a Brother to Me, I'm Sorry I Hurt You

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It's heartbreaking when someone you considered to be so close to you walks out of your life. It's hard knowing you can never tell them about your day, or about how much you miss them. 

I made a hard choice with our friendship, but I wish you knew just how much I miss you, I miss the guy who used to be my brother. I know I screwed up, but I also pray that one day we could have another chance to be friends again. 

I wish you would hear me out. You have to understand that at the time I walked away, I was in a fragile state. Do you know what it feels like when the one person you trust most makes you feel worthless? Because that’s how I felt when I was around you. Maybe it wasn’t your intention, but it was definitely how I felt. 

You promised me nothing would change between us, that no matter what life threw at us we’d always be thick as thieves, but it was a lie. Everything changed because we were truly growing up and starting our lives. It was inevitable we wouldn’t be the kids we used to be when we were younger, but I thought our friendship was built to last. 

I always made sure to do a big group activity, trying to see all the people I cared about at once. But I was in the wrong because I should've made sure that you knew you were important enough to me hangout one on one, giving you my undivided attention. 

But I didn’t and things between us were different. I flipped at you, and told you how hurt I was, but you didn't even care, and that's when I knew just how much things had changed between us. You didn’t want me around your girlfriend, you didn’t want anything to do with me. 

It's like you don't know me anymore, but I don't blame you, because I'm a completely different girl now. But what hurts the most is you don’t even care to get to know the new me. And honestly, I would rather spend my time with people who truly care. 

But you, you were my brother. You knew me inside and out, and vice versa. How did we get so disconnected from each other? Is it because we were both being selfish? Because we were growing up and we knew what was coming but tried to ignore it?

In the real world, you won't always keep the people you want to keep, you just weren't meant to be in this chapter of my life, but I still wish you were here. You would be so proud of the fact that I stand up for myself now. 

You'd get along great with my new friends, especially because of how happy they make me. 

I wish you could be in my life, but you're not. It hurts and I wish I could take back everything I said to you, but I can't.

Just know I will still always be here, even if you hate me all your life, I still and always will care about you. 

I love you still, just like I did when we were growing up, you still will always be considered a brother to me. You were there when no one else was, and we both screwed up, but I will never forget you, or the lessons that you taught me. 

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