“It was only sex.”
Those four little words, they burned like the first time you scrape knee falling from a bike when you’re a little kid. They followed me around everywhere I went.
I thought that the only thing my body was good for was to be the pleasures of others, for you specifically, when you made me feel like so much more.
I put you on a pedestal, always finding a reason to excuse the way you treated me.
You had been through so much…so no matter what you did or said to me, I always found a way to forgive you. I should not have been the one apologizing all the time because you had been at fault all along.
I fought so hard to stand up for you…but all my friends were right about you. You would break me down all the time and I kept making excuses. Yes, I have my flaws and issues, who on this planet doesn’t. But you had no right to make me feel the way you did.
No matter what, I always found myself coming back to you.
You’d say something that gave me hope, that you did, in fact, care about me. The idea that you had used me for my body had always been in my thoughts, telling that all I am good for is to make you happy with my body? You’d make it totally disappear.
You’d give me a tiny glimpse of hope that I am good for something more, I held onto it tighter than I should have. For an instant, you’d hold my heart with tender care.
Then you’d come around saying something that would prove that idea wrong.
You came around and explained exactly how you felt, in those four little words, “It was only sex.”
So explain to me, what happened in your life that makes you feel entitled to use women for your own greedy pleasure?
How can those words slide so smoothly off your tongue and nobody can tell you are lying through your teeth? How many women have you degraded to believe they are only good enough to be used for sex?
Everyone hears those songs that come on the radio, where you here explicit lyrics about men just sleeping with a lady for the night or how they use those girls to get what they want.
“Let’s just fuck and after that I’ma take you home…” If you hear these songs and think of yourself, you need to understand that you are worth so much more than that.
The way he had used you, does not define you as a person.
The way he used you as a person, it is not who you are. You cannot change the way those animals that use women for sex are, all you can do is overcome it.