I have heard countless stories about how you did anything and everything in your power to make her happy. I know that you went out and decorated the house in Christmas lights, like the Griswald’s, just to see her smile. A man who began coaching sports just because she joined the team, even if you had never played them in your life. The same father who took every piece of furniture and entertainment out of her room, in order to get her to clean it (she could have her things back upon completion). I can picture you both riding in your truck as you sing; I have been told that Lady Gaga was a favorite.
You have raised an intelligent woman; a woman with her own thoughts, morals, and beliefs. She is an exceptional young lady. She cares for others before she even thinks about herself.
I may not know every struggle, disagreement, or lesson learned. I have come to know that your daughter can be extremely stubborn. However, I also know that she has a heart of gold.
I hear all of these incredible stories about a relationship that most girls do not have with their fathers. I picture a loving man who would stick by his daughter’s side, no matter what choices she may make in life. I wonder how can that same man who sang ‘Poker Face’ (while teasingly poking his baby girl’s face) judge her for her sexual orientation. I have also heard that you had suspected it most of her life. So, why was it such a shock when she ‘came out’?
The father that I hear these stories about is not the same father that I “know” today. I say it that way because I have not actually had the chance to know you. This is not my choice. Trust me when I say that I would be ecstatic to get to know you and all of your children. I know the man who met his daughter at an ice cream shop for 20 minutes on her 21st birthday. The man who stayed standing up, staring out the window, barely speaking to his own flesh and blood or even looking at the woman she brought to meet him. The man who met her at Christmas time for 10 minutes, outside of a Dairy Queen in the cold, to hand her a card. Doing so only after I begged him to, because he was busy with his step-son’s birthday cake. The man who says that “I’m sure that Kayleigh and her son are nice people, but I’m not ready. It’s hard.”
Do you know what is hard? Hard is holding your daughter as she cries because she misses you. She has tried multiple times to reach out to spend time with you, but you never seem to have the time. Hard is holding this woman whom I love, as she trembles because she feels replaced, not important enough. Hard is easing her mind because you won’t hang a photo of her and I in your home, even though there is one of you, her, and her brother in a frame that I chose in our living room. I have told her thats okay, she can have her picture done without me. She is the one who doesn’t accept it. Hard is holding her as her body convulses, tears streaming down her face, because the most important man in her life has told her that he does not know if he would meet her own flesh and blood if she were to conceive.
I want you to know, sir. That my son and I are decent people. My precious baby boy, that your daughter has come to claim as her own, is so sweet. I can tell you that he loves everyone, without judgement. He smiles and tells strangers “Hi” and their faces light up. I could bet that he would love you too, unconditionally. My little boy who is so selfless, loving, and intelligent. Do you know that he calls her “Mom”? He reaches for her when he wakes up in the night crying. He tells her to “c’mon” as he waves for her to come play. He lets her hold him as she clips his nails, which he fights me to do.
I need you to know that I do not hate you, I simply do not understand your decisions. Also know, that my son and I will be willing to meet you when you are ready. For her. She is always going to love and need her daddy. So, when you are ready we will be here. I’m not asking you to love me or my child. I just beg of you to spend time with your child and be a part of her life. Start mending this fissure between you both, before it is too late… If there is one thing that I have learned, is that life is too short.
