My eyes fluttered open to a view of your room. Your sweatshirts hanging on the back of the door, your closet partially peaked open with your laundry basket sticking out. I turned over on my side to get a glimpse of you. You turn your head and flash me a meek smile. You raise your body from the bed to leave the room. I closed my eyes to take in everything that happened the night before, our bodies wrestling around in the sheets, your body weight on top of me and our skin against each other. Suddenly, I’m awoken by the sound of your voice.
“About last night…Yeah, that was a mistake.”
After that night together, we went through a rollercoaster of emotions for the next two years. It was more of me putting myself out there towards you and you reeling me in. Never showing any of the same emotions back, and if you did, it only consisted of when we were both drunk.
Sure, I knew what I was getting myself into. Did I let it happen more than once? Yes. But that was because I was falling for you. Falling hard and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
I let you take advantage of my feelings towards you and never stood up for myself. I liked you way before you came to realization of your own feelings. You never once acted on them until something so tragic in my life was happening and you decided then to react and swoop in like you could save me.
Once you finally, verbally told me your feelings…three months later, you changed your mind. Once again. And what was even better was that you were moving across the country. No closure for anything that happened and you didn’t take advantage of our fading time together.
The sad thing is you gave up on something before you could really see what it could be. However, you did what you do best. You gave me hope several times, and yet, now that you’re gone, I no longer waste all of my ‘hope’ on you.
Maybe it was the timing. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be together. Maybe, just maybe, you didn’t have the same feelings all along. And maybe if you did, you would’ve done anything in your power to fight for me. No matter what.
I’m done waiting for you to come knocking on my door. I’m done imagining a future with you. I can’t and I won’t. I refuse to give you the power again.
You’re going to regret pushing me away, pushing me about as far away as you are right now.
Over a thousand miles away.
There are so many instances that I wanted to put you in your place and speak what was on my mind about our whole situation and yet, somehow I don’t think you deserve it.
After loving you, it was the hardest to go back to that girl I once knew. She’s gone.
Now, I’m scared to put myself out there. Lay everything on the line for another person, all for the fear of them not loving me back. Just. Like. You.
However, if it starts to happen again with someone else…I’ll recognize the signs.
I miss you, all of the time I miss you. It’s hard not to. And yet, I don’t believe you miss me…because if you did then you would put in some sort of effort to keep in contact. Something towards me to know that you’re still there for me.
The more time that passes without talking to you, the more I realize that we’re both better off.
You broke my heart without even realizing it and I want to say, ‘Thank you’.
Now, is when I let you go.
Love,Yours,
Sincerely,
The girl who’s finally saying Goodbye
