Suicide is not a cop-out, it’s not weak, and it sure as hell isn’t easy.
How can one possibly think it’s easy to wake up day in and day out hurting so much that they just want it to end? How can you think that it is easy to go through a life that is so miserable it feels impossible to deal with it anymore?
Those who choose suicide do not take that decision lightly. It’s not made in haste. It’s made from feeling so helpless, so worthless, so uncared for, and so utterly defeated that life will never become more manageable and things will NEVER feel better.
And it sure as hell isn’t a decision made overnight. Suicide isn’t the first thought after a bad day. It’s after extended periods of not feeling good enough. It’s after extended periods of sadness and hurt.
It’s after wanting to disappear, after exhausting every coping mechanism you have and possibly every resource available.
You don’t just wake up one day and decide today’s the day. Today’s the day it all ends. Today is the day I kill myself. It’s a process. It’s a struggle between wanting to live but not wanting to continue living like this.
Suicide is a deliberate choice. It is not an accident, it’s planned. It’s scary, hard, and emotional.
It is the feeling of hitting rock bottom but still feeling like you’re falling deeper into it. It’s the time of being so low for so long that it’s impossible to think there may ever be a glimmer of hope again.
It’s being trapped in a tunnel so long back that seeing the light at the end is impossible.
How do you think it feels to take a bunch of pills? To literally swallow a handful of pills and feel your body destroying itself from the inside out. To feel your breathing slow down. To feel your heartbeat slow. It’s not a quick process. It’s slow. And it is painful.
Do you think it can possibly be easy to sit and hold a gun to your head and pull the trigger? No, you’re shaking. You’re scared. And if you miss even a slightly you don’t die. You live and you have to relearn how to walk, talk, etc, all over again.
How can one think it is easy to drown oneself or die by carbon monoxide poisoning? It literally takes EVERYTHING you have to fight against your body’s actual desire to live.
Your body will default into fight or flight mode and try to live and you have to will yourself into not fighting. You feel your body fight for air then suffocate or drown.
Suicide is not an easy way out. It is not a cop-out. It is not a simple solution to one’s problems. It is losing the ability to continue to fight a battle that will never end. It’s giving into the demons that have fought for so long and so hard to destroy you.
If you still believe suicide is an easy way out in some way I don’t think screw you is strong enough.
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