When we first met, I honestly didn’t think much of you. Our paths crossed during a time in my life when I was lost and confused about where my life was heading. But the second you came into my life you became my escape from the world. We had an undeniable connection and it was one of the most exciting times during my life. But it was ephemeral though…
Because you messed up. You broke my heart and proved that I cared a hell of a lot more about you than you did of me. I started fighting for someone who wasn’t even attempting to fight for me. It came to a point where I had to let go of the thought of us truly being together.
And quite honestly, it felt like I’d never get over you. Every time we’d run into each other, it would make me happy and hurt all at once because my heart still cared so deeply for you. Seeing your face was still affecting me on more levels than I even realized. I wanted so badly for you to see how good we were for each other, but there was no point. So I accepted the fact that it would never happen and moved on.
Little by little, time and distance healed my heart. I started dating other people and learned what it felt like to be treated well. Those other boys didn’t last long, and one even broke my heart a little bit. I was off doing my own thing, you were off doing yours. Until you slowly started inching your way back in my life. At first, I didn’t know how to handle it because I knew I was over you, but I couldn’t help wondering if this might be fate. But this time, you didn’t have the same impact on my heart anymore.
The timing was just a little too perfect. I could sense your interest but this time I had my guard up. Back then, when we were “casual” and “not official,” I would’ve been a little more inclined and flirty, but I’ve learned since then. I was a little more closed off to you, but my resistance was fleeting.
From there, I had a little piece of hope. Hope that you’d be different. Hope that maybe all my wishes were coming true and we’d actually make it through this time.
But fundamentally, you have the same problem: you don’t know how to make someone other than yourself a priority.
I wanted you to fight for me, that’s all I ever wanted from you. And I couldn’t let go of my own pride to be rejected twice, so I played the waiting game.
And here I am, throwing in the towel because nothing ever happened. This isn’t good enough for me anymore, I know I deserve more than to wait around for someone. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you need a little growing up is all.
If this is truly meant to be, then maybe our paths with cross once more and we’ll be able to start a new. But as for right now, I need closure. So today, I’m giving up on us.
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