It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. It’s almost a guarantee that you’ll enter my thoughts at some point. And you stay there, haunting me.
I can’t stop. I can’t get you out of my mind. No matter how hard I try to divert my attention to think about something else, you take over.
It was a relationship right on the brink of becoming real. We were sitting on a ledge, you were ready to fall, but I held back.
And I hate how I messed things up so bad. I was scared to show you how I felt. I didn’t want you to see the real me. I couldn’t let you see me vulnerable.
I didn’t want to seem weak in your eyes. I was afraid that you’d walk away. But ultimately, that was the reason you left. Because I couldn’t show you the real me.
You may never know the impact you have made in my life. I saw bright beautiful colors I never knew existed. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
I constantly think of how you’d still be in my life if I was just myself. I don’t understand why I felt the need to be someone I wasn’t because I thought it would impress you. I regret a lot and wish I did things differently.
I should have let down my walls and given it my all. I was outside of my comfort zone feeling emotions I never felt and because of that I didn’t know how to be myself.
Should I reach out to you? Can I just tell you how scared I was to let you in? Apologize for how much I messed things up? Can I ask you for one more chance?
All these questions linger in my mind endlessly throughout the days. I feel helpless. I don’t want things to be over before they even got a chance to start.
My one chance and I lost it. And now you’re just a memory that continues to overtake my mind reminding me of what I’ve lost.
