Growing up with divorced parents is not the two holiday, two birthday, double up on everything dream some people like to make it out to be.
It’s many days of fighting with one or both parents to understand the change.
It’s wondering why your father would up and leave, “was I not good enough to stay for???
After twenty years of growing and becoming a parent myself, I have come to five realizations that I never thought I would.
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He did not leave me, he left being miserable.
The truth reasoning behind the divorce will always be a mystery to me. My mom would give many reasons behind it (usually blaming my father), and my father would just say it didn’t work out, Either way, something caused him to leave, right?
I spent nearly fifteen years angry at him for “leaving me??. For not showing up for a lot of things that I wanted to have him there for.
It took a few years of listening to my mother rant about every problem and try to control my adult life, for me to realize that he didn’t leave me.
He left her negativity. He left her nagging. He left an unhappy relationship.
2. He never gave up trying to love me
I was impossible to handle sometimes in my teenage years. By the time my teens came around, I had convinced myself that my father didn’t really care about me.
He had missed a few dance recitals, a few marching band competitions and games, etc.
But my father had to pay a large monthly child support, as the divorce settlement agreed upon, and his not being there (in my eyes), was him working overtime and extra weekend hours just to be able to pay the child support and keep a roof over his family’s head.
He would try to explain this to me, but all I heard was excuses. Now I know that those extra hours and trying to explain himself was him showing me he loved me.
3. He always had the best intentions, even if it did not execute properly
My father tried to keep humor in our relationship, even when I would try to be serious about how I felt. He is not a “serious talk?? kind of man, never has been.
He would be serious for a few seconds, and then he would hit me with a dirty joke of sorts.
I would laugh, and the joke would be funny, but it wasn’t how I planned the conversation going and I would end up being more pissed off.
I realize now that I was too young sometimes to have the conversations I wanted. There are a lot of complex things that go into being a parent, an adult, and a good person.
I wasn’t prepared at the time to accept that my mom was a big factor in the divorce, and I guess I just wasn’t ready at that age to accept that sometimes things happen and love isn’t always going to fix it
4. He never misses anything now (because I let him in!)
I remember being laid up on the hospital bed and delivering my daughter. I had invited him in to be there for the birth, but he graciously declined. But his shadow was visible behind that door, looking through, most excited to be there for the birth of his first grandchild.
From my graduation and forward, my father has not missed a single life event. He walked me down the aisle, he helped pay bills when I was in a rut, and he is there in the blink of an eye when I called.
5. I could never imagine my life without him now
It may have taken nearly twenty years for me to understand that my father and I didn’t have to fight so hard to be as close as we are now, but I have can never imagine my life without him and his family now.
He babysits my daughter, he calls me on every holiday, and he makes sure to send a text or message once or twice a month just to say hello to me.
He came through when it counted, and I am forever grateful for him and his unconditional love. Some other fathers would have given up by now, but not him.
Twenty years after I was dealt the hand of having divorced parents, I no longer vilify the man who loves me despite the struggles I gave him.
I no longer wonder what went wrong all those years ago. I just love him unconditionally and know that when I need him the most, he will be there.
