Honestly, there are things that we never expected would happen in our lives.
And when things go south we ask ourselves, "Why did life hand me this platter?" "Where was that "fairy tale" that all of us little girls dreamed of?"
We think we have all the odds and ends of each day laid out on a little piece of paper. But then we realize it's just scribbles and chaos.
You never really know someone until they reveal their true self. I live by that now.
He was smart, kind, handsome and everything I hoped for in a man, but that's how they get you. And once you're theirs they cause you to believe that you can't live without them.
And I couldn't. At least I thought I couldn't…
Whoever came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but, words will never hurt me" hasn't ever felt the way words can truly break a person.
Standing alone in that empty house repeating over and over:
"You're psychotic".
"You are worthless".
"You'll never find someone who will love you the way that I do."
"Your anxiety isn't real. Knock it off."
Ringing. My head spins as I sit there crying telling myself over and over again that it'll be okay. I just have to make myself better, maybe he's right. I am crazy.
And if I could just get a better hold on my anxiety, our entire relationship would be so much easier.
I can make him happy, I just need to try harder. What would I be without him? Who would I come home to?
No.
When you start to give into their abuse is when you actually do turn crazy.
You're crazy to think you're not enough.
You're crazy to think you don't deserve a love that will build you up.
You're crazy to think you aren't worth someone who knows your value.
You ARE valuable. You ARE worthy. You ARE strong. And you don't deserve the abuse.
Trust me when I tell you, life after the abuse is a learning curve.
You'll have trust issues. You may even be a bit clingy. And your heart will have a hard time opening up but I promise if you allow it, you'll find the guy who makes all the hell you went through feel like nothing but a memory.
Because love isn't made for you to question yourself. It's meant to build you up and make you feel like with this other person, you are the best possible 'you' you could be.
So believe me when I say you're not crazy, you're not psychotic. You have a big heart, you were put through hell by a miserable human being, and that's not your fault.
The saying got it right, 'misery loves company.' But you are not his company. He deserves no one.
