It's universal truth that breakups are hard, whether you did the breaking up or you were broken up with. There are a lot of feelings involved, ranging from sadness to anger to confusion to relief to regret and everything in between. Depending on the intensity and duration of the relationship, it takes time to fully heal and move on.
Now imagine on top of all that, the person you fell in love with wasn't real? Imagine the entire relationship was a lie? The person you fell in love with only pretended to feel anything at all? Who was actually just manipulating you to get what they want and then discarded you when they had no use for you anymore?
That's what it's like to break up with a narcissist. This is no ordinary breakup. It's much worse. It's a nightmare. It's your reality.
Not only do you mourn over your partner, but you simultaneously have to come to terms that the partner you fell in love with and are mourning over is not real. It was a lie, and illusion, all to trap you and take what they want from you. They mirrored your personality, wants, and desires to create that wild connection between you two.
It's only after you stay with them long enough that their mask slowly begins to slip and you get glimpses of their real self. When this starts happening, you find yourself wondering who the hell you're dating.
You look back and see how much they've changed. This is not who you met and grew to love. It's someone else entirely, but you're already in so deep you still accept this new tainted person anyway.
You remember how hard they chased you, how high they put you on a pedestal, how much they showered you with affection. And one day you wake up only to realize the tables have turned. You're now chasing them, have them on a pedestal, and are showering your affection onto them. They pulled a fast one on you. This is the devaluing stage.
You're trying to hard to bring the relationship back to what it was, bring out the old them, and salvage whatever is left. You feel it's your fault because if they once loved you so much, you must've done something to change their mind. You didn't, this is how it really was all along. This is who they really are, and how they really feel about you.
No matter how hard you try, after this devaluing, they discard you. Cold, heartless, and sudden, they disappear and toss you aside like trash. Like you mean nothing. Now you're bewildered and wondering what the f*ck happened. And you have never felt so low in your life. You don't even recognize yourself anymore. After all you've been through, all you've done to bend backwards for them, this is what you get.
Because they don't care about you, they never did. It was all a lie, they were a lie. They saw something they wanted from you: money, status, sex, companionship, control. And once they've gotten their use out of you or found someone else to use, you are history. But the problem is never you, it's them.
To heal, you have to go No Contact immediately with no exceptions. It doesn't matter how much you want revenge, how much you demand answers, how much you miss them, how good the sex was, and no matter if they contact you first. You can never speak or see them again, no matter how hard it is to wrap your mind around. No matter how hard it feels in the beginning.
If you do, they'll keep using you over and over again. You'll be in a cycle you can't break out of. You're slowly sabotaging your self-worth and view on relationships. Nothing good will come from it whatsoever. Nothing. This is the only way you can heal.
This will take a very long time to heal from, so do not feel discouraged. You are human and have a big heart, and someone took advantage of this. You feel used and manipulated and toyed with, because you were.
But once you realize and gain knowledge the nature of your partner, it helps you understand. The more knowledge and understanding you acquire, the more it will facilitate your healing.
Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Have your friends and family keep you in check through this process of healing and roller coaster of emotions. They'll be there to help you stay strong and remind you of your self-worth, because they genuinely love you.
Additionally, please seek help from a professional, because you've experienced a type of mental abuse, and most people are not familiar with it. Find people who have gone through a similar experience and healed.
And most importantly, live well. Get back on track with your life and focus on what makes you happy. Happiness comes from within, lean to love yourself again and the rest will fall into place. And for those of you who want revenge, this is the best kind of revenge you can dish. But by this point, you won't even want revenge anymore.
Besides, your misery is temporary, theirs is forever.
