When you’re young you never want to be told what to do or what you deserve, at least I didn’t. I wanted to go against everything my parents and friends told me and date the guy with a track record of breaking hearts.
I was just getting out of a relationship where I genuinely thought he was the one, so coming out of that I was devastated. I needed someone completely opposite of him… and that’s where you come in.
The way you were so nonchalant and gave zero fucks about anything was so attractive to me. I wanted to be the one thing you stopped dead in your tracks for, the one girl who actually makes it as your girlfriend.
Maybe it was the challenge that got me, but I was head over heels for you (or so I thought what ‘love’ was).
Without even realizing it I let you walk all over me, allowing you to just come and go as you pleased. I became the girl who does everything under the sun to get your attention without actually talking to you. What we had wasn’t a relationship, it was a mind game.
I was watching myself turn down good guy after good guy because I wanted you to want me. I would witness you flirting with other girls and I’d stand in the sidelines waiting for my turn.
Honestly, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I was becoming a girl I never, in a million years, thought I’d become. And I’d say “love makes you do crazy things” but I wasn’t in love with you… I was in love with the idea of you.
Eventually, I moved forward… I had to. I was never going to be enough for a guy like you, not only could I not change who you were but I shouldn’t have wanted to.
One day there was going to be a girl who would come along who would change your world. She would be everything you needed and you would finally be happy enough to stay. But that girl isn’t me and it never will be.
You see, from this whole “thing” that we had I learned a lot of things. You always need to put yourself first. Be as happy as you can be in every situation, otherwise there just is no point in it. There’s no point in trying to force something that isn’t there. There are so many people out there in this world that would love to get the chance to know you.
You should find someone who makes you laugh no matter what you are feeling. Someone who makes you wants to become a better person. That pushes you to achieve everything you have always wanted and more. Find a person who makes you feel safe and at home no matter where you are in the world.
Love is always going to be something that takes effort, there’s no way around that. But you need to find a person that is worth that effort. Someone who wants to put forth that same amount of effort.
It turns out my greatest love story was there from the beginning. All I had to do was let go of that idea I got in my head of what love was suppose to be.
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