I’m always left behind…and I’m starting to question if it is me. Am I the issue? Why don’t people stay? I crave stability because I’ve never had any. Not once. I just need people to stay.
If I’m happy for too long, I always get pushed back down.
But guess what? No one ever cares how much I’m hurting. I go on with my day and my life like nothing happened. I will smile and be happy. I have to suck it up and deal with my shit on my own. I have always done that and I’ll continue to do that.
Sometimes you just have to smile and get through the day.
Even when I was in high school, I felt alone. At school, I would be happy and smile so that no one knew that I had severe anxiety or high-functioning depression. I hid my emotions so damn well that I didn’t even know how much I was struggling until I stopped to think about how I felt.
That’s when everything would come crashing down.
Even now, no one knows how much I truly struggle. I’m so guarded and don’t let people in. I’ve been left too many times to risk opening up again. But deep down, I still hope that someone will stick around and actually stay longer than a season.
I’m starting to become bitter about love.
For so long, even after let downs, I was optimistic that love was real and could be sweet. My heart has hardened since then. I’ve been pushed around and picked up and thrown back down too many times…there’s only so much a girl can take.
I’m starting to reach my limit.
How many hits can a good girl take? This girl can’t take much more. All the boys in my past see me as a mistake, and maybe they’re right.
Right now, I’m done with love. I’m hesitant to ever date again. I’m cynical and I’ll stay that way until someone comes and sweeps me off my feet….I doubt it’ll happen though.
