Self-worth by definition is the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person. It’s about loving yourself and respecting what you need – mind, body, and soul. Which is something I struggled with my entire life.
I naively let any guy walk in and out of my life willy-nilly. Accepting their attention and allowing my heart to fall for some who never had the intention of catching me – setting myself up for the pain of trying to get over them and my broken heart. I’ve let people walk all over me because I never knew how to stick up for myself. I just hid behind my insecurities and blamed it all on those. Scared that people might find my struggles to be something they could use against me.
Knowing I held so much strength but never knew how to use it.
Learning to be vulnerable has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done – but its results have been immediate. Because once I accepted who I was, every “flaw” and every insecurity, I realized no one could talk down to me or try to make me feel bad about something that may not be “perfect.”
I’ve accepted every bruise and bump and scar that covers my heart and body. I’ve learned that everything I’ve been through is not a reflection of the confident, kind energy that runs through my soul. The things I can’t change about myself does not determine someone’s ability to love me or care about me. How they choose to react is a reflection of themselves – not me.
And I will absolutely fight anyone who tries to tell me otherwise. I am no longer afraid to stick up for myself. Or be the voice for someone who has experienced similar things to me.
I knew I used to be very lost, but I never realized just how lost I was. Once the fog lifted, everything changed. I have new goals and aspirations that make me beyond excited about life.
Never once have I been able to answer a question about five-year-plans, until now. I’ve let go of the toxicness that ran through my life like an uncontrollable river. The people in my life have changed, and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I don’t need a whole bunch of close friends to feel valuable. The close few I unquestionably trust right now is enough. My heart still open to finding, even more, close ones and having many who I can still call on for a good time.
I now take myself on dates – to concerts and sporting events, anywhere and everywhere. Because wanting to go somewhere shouldn’t be determined by whether or not someone can and wants to go with me. I say no to plans when I feel the situation and those involved will bring me nothing but a bad mood. My morals are stronger than ever, and I’ve recognized that not everyone is going to share the same ones as me – and that’s okay.
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