I was never anything but transparent about how I felt about you. But you, on the other hand, had your doubts. You weren’t sure if I was what you wanted, you didn’t know if I was worth it to you.
Nonetheless, your doubt plagued me.
While you were catching your breath, and taking a moment to collect your thoughts in an attempt to decipher your feelings toward me, I was just… there. Waiting for you. Trying to keep myself busy until you decided I was the one you wanted to be with.
I kept telling myself you’d get it together and you’d find your way back to me once you felt sturdy enough.
But while you were busy figuring out what you wanted, I realized what I didn’t.
I didn’t want someone who wasn’t sure they wanted me. I didn’t want to have to convince you that I cared for you or have to continuously try to prove to you I would never hurt you.
Your lack of security and faith in me wasn’t something I could sway. You were searching for something, some type of a sign that I’d be the right choice for you. Me simply saying so wasn’t enough. And I didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t just take a chance on me.
More than ever, I knew I didn’t want to have to convince someone to love me.
I wanted someone who loved me with confidence and didn't care who knew it. Someone who looks at me and is damn proud to call me his girl. I wanted someone who knows with every ounce of their being that this is the right move.
I'd spent so much time trying to let you in when you were slowly shutting me out, and it finally dawned on me that it wasn't fair.
So, while you were figuring out that you needed me, I was regaining my independence.
How could I sit back and wait for someone who turned on me so quickly, without any warning, and for no just reason?
I didn’t even have an opportunity to dispute your confusion. You just sort of ghosted until you were stable enough to find your way back.
And I didn’t want to be left hanging in limbo until you decided you were ready. I wasn’t going to lose myself over someone who could cut me out like I never existed only to expect me to be patiently waiting for him to come back.
While you taking your sweet time to realize how much you loved me, I was drifting further and further away, ultimately realizing that I had completely fallen out of love with you.
I don’t really know what you thought was going to happen. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your uncertainty, it isn’t going to stop spinning for you to make your next move.
You don’t get to play with people’s hearts and press pause whenever you feel like it, life doesn’t work like that.
But maybe you were right to have doubts though because while you were working yours out, a few of my own crept in. And just as I predicted, you came back in with your head clear, knowing exactly what you wanted. But it was too late.
I know what I want now too and it's definitely not you anymore.
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