So we’ve all heard the term “Body Shaming.” Body shaming by definition is judging or shaming someone for the way they look. It seems the media has brought this issue into the light lately and the response has been eye opening. No matter what opinion a person has of “Body Shaming,” the truth is that the way you look does not define what kind of person you are. Similar to “Body Shaming,” there is another issue that I view of equal importance that is rarely discussed. I’m talking about “Mom Shaming.” The term “Mom Shaming” means judging or shaming a mother for the way she chooses to parent… and I’m sick of it. Anyone who has been a victim of “Mom Shaming,” knows this is true. The kind of parent you know that you truly are has absolutley nothing to do with the opinions of people who just don’t matter.
I am the mother of a beautiful and happy three year old. My daughter is the light of my life, and my heart runs wild around spending my mornings eating cereal with her, and reading to her, and then falling asleep with her in her bed at night. My heart literally skips a beat for the days we spend together playing in the back yard, and going to the park, and riding the train at the zoo. Frankly, I treasure every single minute I get to spend with my kid, and life with her as my only responsibility sounds heavenly.
However, life doesn’t work that way.
In addition to my role in life as a mother, I also take on other roles, including employee, daughter, sister, friend, etc. Think that sounds like a lot? I completely agree. It is a lot, but even more than seeming like “a lot,” It’s sickening to some people that I would actually have to share myself and my time with my child. People love to judge, whether silently or publicly, and for some reason, moms tend to be a big target of this judgment. The most baffling thing to me about “Mom Shaming” isn’t even the horrible and cruel things being said about moms, but the fact that fellow mothers are the ones doing the shaming. Isn’t parenting hard enough without being vicious to one another? Isn’t it possible that my kid is just as happy as your kid?
Moms shame other moms for many things, but I tend to see the most judgment revolve around moms who know that time away from their baby can be just as important as the time you spend with them. I know it is hard for some moms to wrap their heads around the fact that a fellow mother should have a desire to go out and have a drink once in a while, but trust me, it happens. I’m not sure of the exact number of times a day that toddlers ask “Why,” but I am willing to bet the count is right up there with the number of breaths he or she takes a day. Most moms are very familiar with trips to the grocery store where more time is spent correcting your child’s behavior than spent actually shopping. I am sure my toddler is not the only one who tests my patience daily, and colors on the wall, and makes unnecessary messes in the house. To be more clear… Hell yes, I need a drink sometimes, and if going out with friends is wrong while my child spends a super fun night with grandparents who want to love and spoil her for an evening, then I don’t want to be right. My parents beg me for time they can spend with my daughter and you know what? There is not an ounce of my being that feels guilty about letting them have that time together so that I can go out with other adults and have social interaction and a shot of tequila.
I absolutley refuse to apologize for it.
Another thing I have noticed is how mothers are being shamed for their individual birth experiences. This one really grinds my gears. I had my daughter completely natural. I was adamant that I wanted no medical intervention. I ended up achieving that goal, and it was a beautiful birth and she was born safely. I also breastfed and loved every minute of it.
Coincidentally, I have a good friend who delivered her precious son one month ago via C-section and could not breastfeed. Guess what? He is as perfect and as healthy as my daughter was at one month old, despite the completely different measures doctors took to bring our children into this world. My daughter was perfect drinking breast milk, and my friend’s son is equally as perfect drinking formula. Parents are allowed to make their own choices regarding what they feel is best for their babies, and they shouldn’t have to feel bad for it. Whether you use cloth diapers, regular diapers, make your own baby food, or feed your baby freaking goldfish and sweet tea, as long as your kid is happy and healthy, it is no one’s damn business how you decide to parent. None whatsoever.
As moms, we sometimes indirectly like to try and one up another parent by making our experiences and choices seem better than the next mom. The truth is that we are all just doing the best we can and no one should feel like less of a parent because of how they decide to love their child. If you stay home every single night with your baby, that’s amazing. If you go out sometimes, and leave your child with someone you trust and who loves your baby just like you do, I hope no one makes you feel bad for it. If you don’t see your child as much as you would like to because you are working three jobs to support yourself and your child, then you are a damn superhero and should be nothing but proud of the life you are providing. You are amazing and need to know that. Stop the “Mom Shaming” and go hug your babies. Life is too short to be mean to people.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting battle you know nothing about.” –Wendy Mass