I didn't know things had gotten so bad. I didn't know life was becoming too much for you to the point where you didn’t even see the point anymore.
We weren’t really in each other’s lives since our breakup but I never stopped loving you, not even for a second.
I drive myself crazy wondering if I had reached out, would things be different? Did you know my number was still the same? Would you have come to me if you knew I’d drop everything and be by your side in a split second?
When our relationship ended it was terrible, but you still had a special place in my heart. You crossed my mind every time I came home. I always wondered if you were doing okay, if you were working, if you were happy…
Did you know that I never stopped thinking about you?
The day you died was one of the hardest days of my life so I can only imagine how hard that day was for you. The moment I heard you took your own life my whole world came to a screeching halt.
You were gone and my world felt empty without you.
As I stood there lost in time, so many memories flashed through my mind and honestly, they haven’t stopped yet. My mind is flooded with your laugh, your smile, your kiss.
You stopped being mine a long time ago, so maybe it’s not my place, but I would’ve fought every single one of your demons with you.
And it breaks me to think of how hard your last few hours and days on Earth were. You must have been so scared, so lonely, nervous and anxious.
I just hope you knew how deeply you were loved, even in the moments it didn’t feel like it, you were.
And I hope you know I’m so sorry I wasn’t the friend I promised you I’d be. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to keep you in my life, I’m sorry you had to fight this battle alone.
Because my heart will always have a piece that belongs to you, forever and always.