We’ve all done it, right?
You meet someone and when you look at them you feel like a war could break out around you, and you would still only see them. You start to learn about them inside and out. You start to appreciate the things that other people hate. The way they laugh at random YouTube videos. The way they constantly contradict themselves. Their stupid obsession with Jordans. The unapologetic way that they speak, because they have no filter. In your eyes, its a chaotic art. You fall in love with the way they strive to do better for themselves. You support them when they fail, and when they succeed. They look at you, and you can physically feel tingles running through your veins. You know their past and think “Maybe i can be the one”. The one who changes their view on relationships, because you know that they have changed yours. Maybe you can be the one to make them smile before they fall asleep. Maybe you can be the one they are proud to call “mine”. Maybe we can be the couple that makes it.. together.
But even in feeling all of these incredible feelings your intuition tells you something is off. You disregard that because you know that your souls are connected. So you move forward. You put a label on things, because that is what society tells us to do. You get lost in this person, in the best kind of way. When you are together you feel unstoppable. Yet still, something isn’t right.
The thing with going against the grain in this area is that because there is doubt you cling to hope. You cling to hope because it is the only thing that you have. How could something that seems like it is absolutely flawless not be a good thing? I still don’t have the answer to that question. I don’t think that i ever will, honestly. What I do know is that i didn’t follow my instincts. The pain that i felt from making that decision was greater than any other pain i have ever felt.
I knew prior to this relationship the risk that i was taking. However, my feelings were so strong i couldn’t allow myself not to take that risk. Like i said, the thing about clinging to hope is that you put every ounce of yourself into it. I think that if i knew for certain in the long run that things would leave me so broken, I wouldn’t have put myself in to such a vulnerable position.
Though i still have the most unconditional love i have ever experienced left-over for this human being-
The lesson that i learned was that when your intuition, your gut, your instincts, or whatever you choose to call it, tell you that something is off..
You’ll save yourself a lot of tears if you just follow it.
