I’ve spent my whole life trying to find my soulmate, and trying to map out where and when I’d find him. And then, the most miraculous thing happened.
You found me.
Rapidly, we were caught up in a whirlwind, and suddenly there was no looking back. I couldn’t remember what life was like without you. And I didn’t want to.
The word perfection couldn’t even touch us.
This was heaven. This was everything.
And just when things were escalating and feelings were developing into something real, you pulled back. You got scared.
I thought I was everything you wanted, but it turns out, I was totally frightening to you.
I said all the right things, I did all the right things – I was everything you wanted and more but it came quickly and fiercely and as soon as it was real, you jammed on the brakes.
You found it hard to imagine that something so real could happen so fast, but it did.
I don’t think you wanted it to end, but you needed to slow things down. It’s just hard to pull back when we’ve already come so far.
I laid it all out there for you, I wore my heart on my sleeve and I was nothing but honest.
I want you. I want to share my life with you, and I know that’s scary after such a short amount of time. But, I also believe that when you know, you know, and I knew.
Being with you forever would mean drastic, sporadic changes with my life. It would mean inconsistencies, and spontaneity, and sometimes, insane amounts of disappointment – all of which give me severe amounts of anxiety. But, I’m okay with all of it.
You’re terrified of your feelings, of falling for me so quickly. You’re afraid of disappointing me and of not being around all the time. You’re afraid I’ll be like every other person you’ve been close with, and when this gets more difficult, that I’ll bail, too. You’re so afraid you’ll end up alone again, and have only yourself to depend on, once again.
Stop trying to push me. I’m not going anywhere.
This certainly wasn’t the lifestyle I imagined for myself. But at the same time, you were never the guy I imagined either. But then I fell for you. And now, I can’t help but be all in.
Don’t act differently. Don’t pump the brakes on your feelings. Don’t sabotage this before there’s a valid reason to. Don’t run away from me and don’t shut me out. Please.
As terrified as you are, you need to know that I am, too.
I’m afraid of how deeply I fell, and I’m afraid of continuing to fall, knowing there may come a time when you aren’t around to catch me. But I guess that’s why they call it falling, because it’s so scary.
But more than all of these terrifying factors… the scariest part of all is the idea of losing you.
I don’t know what the future holds, as much as I try to. I don’t know how to not give you my entire heart, despite being utterly terrified of the whole concept. I used to think I was so guarded, but all of my walls dropped the moment you looked at me, and I just knew that we would be the greatest and most terrifying experience of each other’s life.
Trust me, hold my hand and fall with me. Stick around and keep on being afraid with me, because I can’t imagine life otherwise.
I know you’re scared baby, I am too. But I promise you, we can do this. I’ve got you.