Relationships are tricky. You want something solid and healthy, but that isn’t always what you get. What’s worse is loving someone who half- loves you back. Maybe it’s because they know you’ll always be there, or because they think that you will be when they’re finally ready to settle down and commit. It’s a detrimental circle, resulting in nothing but let downs and high hopes. Here’s what I’ll tell you. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to be loved at the hand of their convenience. It’s not fair that they withhold your love for them against you, reeling you in and fishing you out whenever they deem necessary. You deserve a love in return like that of which you wasting. You start to move on, and just as they feel the reins getting a little loose they grip then tighter, causing you to go two steps forward and eight steps back. It’s fine for a while.
You feel like you have just a small increment of what you want back, what you hope you can have back. You feel happy again, but it’s temporary. You’re balancing on a tight rope because you can feel that it isn’t going to last. You have that urge of anxiety when you don’t get a response to a text. You’ve got the knot in your stomach when they go ghost on a Saturday night, while you’re bailing on plans in hopes that you’ll get the call to come over. It’s fine for a while.
Until you realize just how offensive it is that someone can so easily devalue your place in their life. You come to your senses, and understand that your time shouldn’t be wasted on someone who isn’t making you a priority… on someone who isn’t just as excited to see you, as you are to see them. The hurt turns to anger. The anger that triggers your self worth and you finally start to see that you’re being used. You’re being put on layaway, or even worse.
As they’re living their life carefree, disregarding your feelings and coming back when they see you’re not weak.. you’ll eventually just get tired of it. You shouldn’t have to sit on edge waiting for someone to acknowledge what you have to offer. You’ll hate yourself for the nights you lost sleep, wondering if they were thinking about you.
You’re worth more than that. Once you’ve spent nights, or even months.. playing the game of coming and going.. you’ll start to feel less and less. You’ll start to find yourself again and know that there is someone more deserving of your time and emotions. Someone who WILL make you their priority. Someone who will call you first, initiate a date or surprise you with something they know will bring you joy.
You’ll escape the walls of your memories, and they’ll eventually crumble just in time for you to welcome positivity into your life.
You should never be a last choice. You shouldn’t be taken for granted, especially regarding the selflessness of truly loving someone else. If they want to be in your life, efforts will prove that. Promising words are NOTHING against empty actions.
