They say you only truly fall in love with three people in your life and each for their very own important reason.
The first will be your best friend. He’s easy to talk to. It’ll just make sense for you to be together. You’ll never fight.
He’ll give you everything you could want. He will always choose to make you happy over starting a fight. But after awhile, you find yourself wanting more.
Of what, you’re not entirely sure, but you feel like something is missing. Of course, you love him. And you know without a doubt, that he loves you. How could he not? You were his first everything.
But something deep inside of you craves some excitement. You want some sort of challenge. Because at this stage in your life, you don’t think love should be all gumdrops and rainbows.
Every rose has its thorn, and you want to get pricked sometimes.
You crave the thrill of love you see in other couples, you want the passion between two people who never seem to be able to keep their hands off each other… things that don’t come naturally to the two of you.
When you leave him because it will be you that leaves, his tears will break your heart more than the leaving ever could. It’s a guilt that will follow you around for longer than you will admit.
And then, without even realizing it, you forget who you are.
The second will be the complete opposite. He will be all excitement all the time. His deviant behaviors and mysterious personality are what draw you in.
The fact that he courted you is what keeps you interested. He gives you what you believe to be butterflies in your stomach.
But everyone around you is stunned by the match. They don’t see how you fit together at all. You will disagree about 85% of the time.
You will fight with him about the toilet paper facing the wrong way. You will fight with him about not being able to pick a place for dinner. You will fight with him over what to watch and what not to watch on Netflix.
Eventually, the butterflies turn out to not be butterflies. The fluttering turns into stab wounds. And everything is hard. So much harder than it should be.
Slowly, the knives he placed in your stomach tear you apart until you are just a shell of the strong woman that he used to love. And when he leaves, because it will be him that leaves, that pain you felt will turn to anger.
He always said that he loved you more, but the speed at which he moves on tell you he lied. Again. Those knives he left inside of you will become your strength. You learn to turn them on him.
You’ll feel lost in a world full of so much confusion and heartache. You’ll begin to think that maybe your first love was meant to be. So, you go backward, you call him up and you hangout.
You laugh like you used to. He looks at you like he used to. But you know it will never work out. And you sigh, out of both relief and resignation. But at least now you know.
And then you remember who you were.
You remember how strong you used to be on your own before this whole ‘love’ thing became such a huge part of your life. You remember the way you used to make yourself laugh and smile without really having a reason to.
Slowly, you become more confident, more self-assured, more yourself than you’ve ever been.
And then, out of nowhere, he walks up. He starts talking to you, and everything is easy. You find yourself opening up to him in ways you told yourself you never would.
And never once, does he judge you for it. When you disagree, you find ways to talk it out. He’ll help you to make sense of the problem instead of just shutting down like the second did.
He enjoys everything about you. He makes you feel like you are on top of the world like you can take on anything. And you do, take on anything. He makes you want to be a better you, to be the best you.
And not for him, but for you. And your dreams will no longer just be dreams. You feel like you can reach the sky, and together, you do. And everything, all the pain, all the heartache, all of those nights spent crying yourself to sleep make sense.
And finally, you are home.