“The biggest coward of man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.”- Bob Marley
In modern day relationships, it’s hard to determine people’s intentions. It seems being a hopeless romantic is a hidden ideal these days.
We all want to believe people are being genuine with us. But the truth is that people have gotten really good at being convincing and it’s terrifying.
The most terrifying part of all is that sometimes you do all the right things to protect yourself and you still get fooled.
We build up high walls, we wrap caution tape around our hearts and we assume the worst outcomes. We don’t even think about trusting anyone no matter how many times they say we can. We do this because we have been hurt and left in pieces so many times, that we realize we have to guard our hearts to survive in this world.
But sometimes no matter how hard we try, dreamy eyes and a heartbeat can break right through our walls. Whether it be by caring words or soft lips or a convincing grin they seep in through our cracks without control.
But you didn’t seep in, you broke right through, guns blazing. And I let you. You begged me to release my heart to you and you would care for it, you promised I could trust you, you promised you would stay. It took some effort and convincing but after awhile I let you go in, let my walls down, just for you.
I expected you to follow through with what you said, to stay and to protect me. I had no idea that with a moment of weakness, I would let you in and you would wreak havoc.
Hidden in my walls were secrets, heartache, pain, lessons learned and new growth. Some of my lowest moments, darkest nights and brightest days. Everything that was me, was there laid out for you to see. You had the chance to take it all and wrap it up in love and keep it, cherish it and cherish me.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. You took one look and were gone. It took you much more time and effort to get behind my walls than it took you to get out, that’s for sure.
Next thing there I was, exposed again. Laid out on the table with an open chest but no doctor around to fix me. So I was forced to slowly build up my walls again and with no medication, stitch up my open chest. Something ever so painful. But as painful as it was, I did it.
I fixed myself up and day by day I am healing. I think of what lesson I was supposed to learn from this and it difficult. Stop trusting completely? Don’t believe in anyone? Stay guarded forever? No.
All we have is ourselves and we have to have our own back. We have to have our walls broken down so we learn they have to be built up stronger. We have to decipher love from lust. We have to trust only Gods plan for us.
We have to be knocked down to get up, more than once. We have to be cut down to grow back new. We have to keep believing in love, because if we stop, we are letting those who broke us take yet another thing from us. We are letting them win. Don’t. Rise up and shine. Shine bright and beautifully through all your cracks and broken pieces. Heal yourself. Love yourself.
For the person who ran after I let him see all of me hidden behind these walls, you missed out. But thank you, because now I am becoming stronger and happier than ever.
Someday, someone is going to earn their way in and be rewarded with the glowing and loving soul hidden inside me. You leaving me that way made you weak minded, me staying to fix all the damage you caused, made me strong.
