When we love someone, we like to think they have good intentions and want the best for us. But that’s not always the case, is it?
There was a time in my life when I allowed boys to define me. I’m sure that you’ve done the same. I excused away their bad behavior, no matter how cruel.
When the guy you love calls you a bitch enough times, you not only let him continue to do it – you start to believe him.
When he says you’re the problem, you start to think you’re a burden. When he relentlessly comments on your weight and points out your flaws, you start to see the flaws he’s talking about.
When his defense mechanism is making you seem small and worthless, you start feeling that way. When he belittles your dreams and aspirations, you start to lose faith in yourself.
You feel those things because he’s drilled into your head that he’s the only one who accepts you, so if he says them they must be true.
You’ve already lost the friends who tried to save you from him one too many times, so you feel trapped with him. You forget that leaving is even an option.
You stay because, at one point, it was good. You hold onto the hope that this time when he says he’s going to change, he means it.
He won’t change. I know that and, deep down, you know it too.
One day as I was walking around a park by myself, I noticed the pure, radiant happiness within the couples spending time together.
I realized that the bright smiles they had on their faces were smiles I’d been missing for years.
I made the decision to break things off. The hardest part was sticking to my word and not taking him back, no matter how many times he finally said the right things.
It hurt like a bitch. Some days I was so lonely that I almost called him to offer him a second chance, but I steeled myself and stayed strong.
And slowly, day by day, I found myself again.
I caught myself smiling more.
I started finding happiness in the music I listened to, classes I started taking, new friends I made, and the independence I gained from letting go of a toxic person.
I defined myself.
When I’d finally learned how to love myself, I found him – or maybe he found me. Honestly, his love came out of nowhere and completely blindsided me.
We started off as friends because I didn’t think my heart was ready to let someone in again. He made it so easy, though, that I just had to give him a chance. This time, I was stronger.
He’s my best friend. He laughs at my jokes, tells me I’m beautiful every day, goes on the most exhilarating adventures with me, believes in my crazy dreams, and is always building me up.
But, now that I’ve grown, I don’t need him to give me reassurance. I’ve learned to find happiness and validation on my own.
So, to the girl who is stuck in a toxic relationship with an asshole that tears you down: he doesn’t deserve you.
You’re going to be someone one day. Don’t let him dull your shine or try to define you; it’s up to you to define yourself.
And to the asshole who finds some form of confidence and enjoyment by tearing your girl down: when she finds the strength to walk away, you’d better watch out.
Because when that girl realizes her own worth and starts believing in herself, she’ll become dangerously unstoppable.
By the time you realize the mistakes you’ve made, she’ll be gone.