When I met you, you fixed a hole in my heart. I was broken and alone and afraid. You were there though, and you helped me come out of the darkness.
Our times together spent laughing and planning gave me hope. Our adventures and made me remember what it felt like to breathe again. I wanted to let you in slowly, but God knows you were going to come in like a whirlwind breaking down all my walls and barriers until I believed with every fiber in me that you were safe. We both know how disillusioned this ended up being.
You weren’t a safe place, Were you? What I thought was me being found was me becoming more and more lost. I became what you wanted me to be instead of clinging to what I am. Before I knew it, I not only didn’t know who I was anymore, but I also no longer had you.
I just want you to know, once and for all, that you completely destroyed me. You ruined my little world with your dishonesty and your deceptiveness. You knew what you were doing. You knew that you were changing me and that you were creating someone who wouldn’t have an legs to stand on by the time that you were done.
After almost everything was gone, I lost the last thing that mattered to me: I lost you. I lost my sister. I lost my best friend.
Honestly, I owe you a thank you. You’ve taught me that I have the power to make it through hell and to still come out on the other side.
You’ve taught me that I’m much more resilient than I could have ever imagined. You’ve shown me that if we press on, things truly do get better. I couldn’t have learned these things any other way, and because of this, I’m grateful for the pain that you gave me. It’s turned me into a strong, brave person.
If you were standing in front of me, I’d tell you that I miss you. I miss our fun times and our adventures. I miss the person I’ve laughed most with and the person who I planned to ride or die with for the rest of my life.
But missing someone and choosing to allow them back in are completely different.
I might miss you, but the one thing you taught me well is that sometimes, the stronger thing to do is to move on from the things holding you down.
