You’re in bed, undressed and under the covers with your significant other, a friend with benefits or even just a one night stand. Of all the things you can put in your mouth, your foot shouldn’t be one of them. Saying the wrong thing can just bring all the grinding to a grinding halt:
- “It is in yet?” …And if it is?
- “Deeper!” …I already feel your pelvis – there’s not much deeper for me to go
- “Are you done yet?”…I am now
- “You’re doing it wrong”…Thanks, as if this wasn’t awkward enough
- “It’s soft”…Okay, I guess I’m not doing it for you
- “Is that it?”…Were you expecting there to be more?
- “You were too good!”…Yeah, sure. We know that wasn’t the reason
- “What’s that smell?”…Hope it’s not me.
- “The condom broke”…Well, you’d better fix it.
- “Oh [insert someone else’s name here]!”…No explanation needed
- “I’m a virgin”…Great, no baggage or pressure here…
- “Smile for the camera”…Um, do you know what the word “consent” means?
- “I hope I get pregnant”…Shouldn’t we have talked about this first?
- “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz”…Nice to know I’m interesting
- “Awww, it’s so cute!”…Wish I could say the same thing for you
- “Let’s turn out the lights”…Saw something you didn’t like, did you?
- “Is that a rash?”…Even if it weren’t, I am now too scared to continue
- “This used to be fun”…How did you know that everyone likes to be compared to the past?
- “Have you done this before?”…Yes, sorry if I’m not living up to your standards.
- “Huh, that wasn’t what I was expecting”…Nope, me neither
- “It’s burning”…What the hell are you giving me?!
- “It was okay, I’ve had better”…So have I, but you don’t see me bragging
- “This is a mistake”…Maybe, but let’s not waste a good mistake!
- “I wish my friends could see this”…What kind of kinky crap are you into?
- “Get off me”…This ended on a good note…
- “Shit! My parents just came home!”…I knew you couldn’t afford this place on your own! Check out the real estate photography.
- “I win!”…And I didn’t know we were in competition
- “Wow that’s wide”…Wow, you’re small.
- “But my last partner let me do that”…I guess they were so wonderful that your relationship transcended into oblivion.
- Nothing at all…Just say it was awful It would end the process much quicker
Have you said or heard any of these? If you have, please share this list with the buttons below!
