Under all that anger that I have been feeling for so long there is such a sadness.
I am so sad for that version of myself who was so lost. She did not know how strong she really was and if she had just dug a little deep maybe she would have found that strength that I am finding now. She was worried about what people would think, what they would say, and if she would be believed. The simple thought that she could be blamed for what you did was too much for her so she did what she thought was best. She pulled herself together and went to work. And she needed to do something that was normal. She needed to be in a safe place for a while and that was work.
I am sad that after watching marathon after marathon of SVU and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that the right thing would have been to report what you did and trust the process it was all too much because who would believe me?
I am sad that I did not have the strength to tell you through the ways of the legal system that what you did was wrong. So here I am telling you right here and right now.