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12 Things People Need to Stop Saying about Valentine's Day

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As February 14th approaches, the Internets begin to vibrate with the hum of people who can’t wait to tell you why they hate Valentine’s Day. Whether they’re in a relationship and “don’t need somebody to tell them how to love their partner,” or they “don’t need any more reminders that they’re alone—” everyone with a mouth (or a typing hand) can’t wait to tell you why Valentine’s Day sucks. I thought it might be worthwhile to share exactly why those people can STFU.

  1. “Valentine’s Day is a scam by the greeting card companies!” Apparently, it’s cool to resist something just because someone else wants you to do it. Great logic if you’re in kindergarten. Fighting the oligarchy may seem like a great idea, but not if you’re only using it as an excuse not to buy your girlfriend a $4 Hallmark card (and wouldn’t preclude you from making one). Besides, Valentine’s Day predates greeting card companies by a few hundred years.

  2. “I don’t need a holiday to show my partner I love them!” Good, great in fact. By all means, don’t wait until Valentine’s Day to show your partner you love them. What does that have to do with everyone else who feels like marking the occasion with a small card or gift? Nothing? Good, then STFU.

  3. “Valentine’s Day sucks. It only reminds me that everyone has someone but me.” First of all:And secondly, did you ever stop to consider that your crappy attitude is why you “don’t have anyone?” People aren’t looking to hang with a Debbie Downer, an excuse maker, or someone who lives to suck the fun out of everything. If you hate being alone that much, why not visit an old folks home, volunteer at a shelter, or do anything at all to improve someone else’s life. Thinking about others is the fastest, easiest, and most effective way to stop dwelling on yourself.

  4. “I never know what to get my partner.” Well, you can try sending them a link to Amazon and a request that they make a Wish List. Or you can, you know, talk to them. If you really can’t think of a single item, sentiment, or gesture your partner would enjoy—you might want to ask yourself how well you really know them. If the answer is “not well,” maybe you should focus on that instead of on presents.

  5. “I always feel pressured to do sex things I don’t want to, just because it’s Valentine’s Day.” If this sounds like something you might say about this holiday, I’ve got some bad news for you. Your partner sounds like a rapey asshat that doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near you no matter what fucking holiday it is. Please consider that as you move forward.

  6. “I hate fancy lingerie.” Then don’t wear it. Problem solved.

  7. “Traditional Valentine’s Gifts are so boring!” You’ll get no argument from me on this one. But no one is making you go traditional. One of my favorite Valentine’s gifts ever was a Texas Chainsaw Massacre lunchbox (with Thermos!!). Gift giving isn’t about following trends; it’s about finding a way to delight your partner.

  8. “There’s too much pressure to participate in Valentine’s Day.” I’m not exactly sure how someone can make it out of high school if they’re this crippled by peer pressure. But let me restate the obvious: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If co-workers, friends, parents, etc keep asking what you’re doing or buying, practice these responses: “I don’t really do that,” or “I’m not sure yet,” or the classic: “None of your damn business.”

  9. “Children feel sad when they don’t get a Valentine from everyone.” I admit, I think children giving each other romantic cards at school is kind of weird. Deliberate exclusion of a classmate can also be petty and mean. Is that a reason to keep everyone from participating? I don’t think so. Besides, cards for kids can be amazing and adorable.

  10. “They always jack up the prices for Valentine’s Day.” When I got married, I couldn’t help noticing that items with the word “bridal” in front of them cost 2-3 times more than those that didn’t. Ditto Valentine’s candy, cards, bouquets, etc. Going non-traditional can mitigate this, so can shopping early. Quit being a Negative Nelly and find an inventive solution.

  11. “It’s depressing.” Let’s not blame Valentine’s Day for the shambles your love life is in. Chances are you aren’t any more single on February 14th than you were on February 12th. So why be extra depressed now? Keep in mind that you can’t be good company to others until you enjoy your own company.

  12.  “I just wish it was over!” You’re in luck! Valentine’s Day only lasts for 24-hours.

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