Dating the girl with no chill is awesome: she doesn’t take no shit, she knows what she wants, and she’s a fantastic beer pong partner. There are few pitfalls you may wanna know before hooking up with a truly evolved feminista though, ‘cos if you get these wrong, you’re gonna be in for a bit of a rough ride:
- You’re expected to hold a door and lift heavy stuff but how dare you try and pay for all of dinner. She’s a working woman dammit, so get back with your male patriarchy and logic.
- When she gets upset she’s “leaning in” not PMS-ing. She’s never PMS-ing.
- ….but, her beautiful female form is in constant harmony with the moon cycles and occasionally that makes her a little tetchy. But it’s definitely not PMS-ing.
- You’ll never win an argument because you’ll never know the pain of child birth. Never mind the fact she doesn’t either…yet
- You will never be allowed to enjoy a movie again, because Hollywood is dominated by female trope stereotypes and she’ll never let you forget it.
- You’ve gotta be chill about all her pooping (with the door open), but the moment you lay down a post Taco Bell special you’re banished from the house for the rest of the morning, because apparently, that’s just gross.
- She’s going to be driving, and for the love of god don’t make a sound when she takes 35 minutes to parallel park.
- She doesn’t need fancy gifts or a rock on her hand for you to prove your love, but she may want an evening at a pro-human open mic poetry recital though.
- She won’t be shaving her legs for no man, but keep your beard short because it scratches her face.
- She WILL NOT bow to the patriarchy, but she will occasionally go down on you.
- She thinks looking androgynous is an achievement, but if you don’t tell her she’s killin’ it in that little black dress then you’re getting nuthin’ tonight.
- She will wear – and end up owning – your entire wardrobe. Yes, she does look better in your hoodie than you ever did.
- She’s all about the free the nipple, fuck bras, filter-less cigarettes, but she’s all stilettos and pearls when she goes to meet Daddy.
- She never uses the word bitch, unless it’s preceded by “bad-ass.”
- She couldn’t give two shits about applying the war paint each morning, but she will spend 30 minutes each week gettin’ her nails did.
- She asked for your number first, because when she sees something she wants, she takes it. This includes any snacks you thought you bought for yourself.
- She likes at least four different feminist groups on Facebook – and Justin Timberlake.
- She’s a fighter, keep that in mind when you start play fighting ‘cos you will end up with a black eye.