You know who you are if you’re a bad dancer. You’ve come to accept your condition; the problem is other people just won’t have it when you say you “don’t dance.” Weddings and clubs are like minefields where you have to find a way to avoid disaster (that is, getting dragged on to the dance floor again). The results are never pretty.
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When someone says they’d like to dance with you, they don’t realize what they’re getting themselves into.
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You just don’t do “the Macarena.”
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In the past you’ve attempted to keep it cool with slight head-bobs and a little body swaying, like when you’re at a concert.
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But that’s your utmost limit.
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At weddings, people are always questioning why you won’t get up and get on the floor.
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They don’t wonder after they witness your dance for themselves.
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You just don’t have the moves, and you don’t want to pretend as if you do.
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You don’t care if it makes you seem like you’re no fun.
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It’s actually much more amusing to watch everyone else make fools of themselves twerking than to let yourself loose.
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The only times you really have danced are times you don’t actually remember.
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It may be because those times never really happened or because shots. You’ll never really be certain.
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And so you feel like you’re either Chandler on Friends or Elaine on Seinfeld.
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The worst thing is when you get dragged in (literally) to dancing with someone against your will when you have no idea what you’re doing.
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And who’s to say you should be forced to dance anyway if you’re not in the mood for it?
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Dancing when you don’t feel like it is like trying to make yourself laugh when something isn’t funny.
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The only dancing you’ll do now, maybe, is when completely alone (if that), and only when you get very, very good news.
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Whenever you’re at a party, you always find your people in those who stand on the sidelines of the dancing.
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You’ll only agree to dance, maybe, with someone who wants an easy, slow dance with you, but even that’s a rarity.
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Usually, you’ll choose to avoid dancing as much as you can…
- …out of kindness for the people you love.