Every woman needs a blunt friend. You love her most of the time, but sometimes you love to hate her. Some of the time, she straight up hurts your feelings. But eventually you realize that you need her to call you out on your bullsh*t. And who else would make a better blunt friend than Amy Schumer?
She doesn’t know you, but she gets you. She’ll never lie to you about whether or not those jeans make your butt look weird, or how many guys she slept with last weekend. And most importantly? She will never judge you. These quotes speak for themselves as proof that Amy Schumer is the blunt friend every girl in the world needs. Like, right now.
1. “All my friends are getting married. I guess I’m just at that age where people give up.”
2. “It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that it’s work, but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.”
3. “In New York I’m, like, a six . . seven with all the padding. But in Miami, I was like a negative three. People were like, ‘what the f*ck is that?’ Throwing up on their motorized wheelchairs. Children were crying. I was like, ‘Beyonce calls it jelly.’ They were like, ‘That’s cottage cheese, b*tch. Do some lunges.”