You know the drill. It’s somewhere between midnight and 2am and you’re either out with your friends or just getting home. You check your phone and see one new message from that guy you just started talking to. Or maybe it’s your regular hook up. Or, the ultimate plot twist, it’s your ex.
You open it, and see two words: You up?
Ugh, guys. There are few things that drive a girl crazy, and that text just might be one of the few we’d debate getting water boarded over instead of being booty called.
- Ebola.
- A root canal.
- Pushed off a cliff.
- Being forced to listen to the screams of crying children.
- Being forced to play “Truth or Drink” with my parents.
- And have all the questions be about sex.
- An invitation to play Farmville on Facebook.
- Or Candy Crush.
- And a friend request from my grandmother.
- Butt Stuff.
- Lol jk, that’s never gonna happen
- Phone calls from telemarketers that I can’t blow off.
- Let a five-year-old do my makeup.
- Go to a 6am spin class.
- Spin = actual death.
- Or be forced to workout in general.
- Listen to Nickelback.
- Go through puberty again.
- Wake up hungover for the rest of my life.
- Listen to a recording of my own voice on repeat.
- Get into a fight with Ronda Rousey.
- “Volunteer” at Urban Outfitters for the holidays.
- A threesome request with my best friend.
- From a stranger.
- Or worse, an ex.
- Vote for Donald Trump.
- Actually, I could never do that, never mind.
- Make a list of things I’d rather do that get this text.
But let’s be real, I’ll probably respond with yes and you’re definitely coming over tonight.
For more of Ashley’s writing, follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
