Some people are just masters of the flirting game. They can stroll into any bar and smoothly strike up a conversation with the cutest person there like it’s not even a thing.
Yeah… That’s not you.
- You try to go from small talk to leaning in for the kiss in less than thirty seconds.
- You end up kissing their nose instead. Awkward.
- You try to impress someone but end up saying something unforgivably stupid…
- You try to backpedal and you end up saying something even more stupid.
- On numerous occasions, you’ve realized that the person you’re trying to flirt with is someone you’ve already slept with.
- Someone really hot waves at you smiling, so you do the same and give a wink…
- Except they’re waving to the person behind you.
- You finally work up the nerve to go up to that hottie and strike up a conversation…
- But you literally fall at their feet. They don’t help you get up.
- Someone starts flirting with you and you have every intention of flirting back…
- But instead you throw up everywhere.
- You don’t get why your impression of a cat isn’t more popular at the bars.
- That hot piece of a*s just said something hilarious…
- Except you spit your drink all over their face while you’re trying to laugh at their joke…
- You start laughing even harder and you fart.
- You try to playfully tap someone’s arm, but you end up punching them…
- You switch between making intense eye contact and no eye contact at all…
- There’s very little in between for you.
- You don’t really know what to talk about with the object of your flirtation…
- You spend ten minutes talking about June bugs with them…
- You ask things like, “Have you ever had a rodent infestation?” and, “When was the last time you failed miserably?”
- You’re so nervous, you laugh at your own jokes.
- You try to sext, only to get a response that says, “Who dis?”
- You read somewhere that sticking your chest out totally works…
- But then you do it and it just looks like you’re inviting people to poke your boob.
- As you’re still trying to flirt, some drunk guy passes and does poke you in the boob.
- The only time you can successfully flirt is when you’re blackout drunk and you have no idea what you’re saying.
- Most of your nights consist of you going home to your cat. At least you can flirt with your cat.
- Except he ignores you, too.