29 Things Only People Who Suck At Flirting Will Understand

Some people are just masters of the flirting game. They can stroll into any bar and smoothly strike up a conversation with the cutest person there like it’s not even a thing. 

Yeah… That’s not you.

  1. You try to go from small talk to leaning in for the kiss in less than thirty seconds.
  2. You end up kissing their nose instead. Awkward.
  3. You try to impress someone but end up saying something unforgivably stupid…
  4. You try to backpedal and you end up saying something even more stupid.
  5. On numerous occasions, you’ve realized that the person you’re trying to flirt with is someone you’ve already slept with.
  6. Someone really hot waves at you smiling, so you do the same and give a wink…
  7. Except they’re waving to the person behind you.
  8. You finally work up the nerve to go up to that hottie and strike up a conversation…
  9. But you literally fall at their feet. They don’t help you get up.
  10. Someone starts flirting with you and you have every intention of flirting back…
  11. But instead you throw up everywhere.
  12. You don’t get why your impression of a cat isn’t more popular at the bars.
  13. That hot piece of a*s just said something hilarious…
  14. Except you spit your drink all over their face while you’re trying to laugh at their joke…
  15. You start laughing even harder and you fart.
  16. You try to playfully tap someone’s arm, but you end up punching them…
  17. You switch between making intense eye contact and no eye contact at all…
  18. There’s very little in between for you.
  19. You don’t really know what to talk about with the object of your flirtation…
  20. You spend ten minutes talking about June bugs with them…
  21. You ask things like, “Have you ever had a rodent infestation?” and, “When was the last time you failed miserably?”
  22. You’re so nervous, you laugh at your own jokes.
  23. You try to sext, only to get a response that says, “Who dis?”
  24. You read somewhere that sticking your chest out totally works…
  25. But then you do it and it just looks like you’re inviting people to poke your boob.
  26. As you’re still trying to flirt, some drunk guy passes and does poke you in the boob.
  27. The only time you can successfully flirt is when you’re blackout drunk and you have no idea what you’re saying.
  28. Most of your nights consist of you going home to your cat. At least you can flirt with your cat.
  29. Except he ignores you, too.

Published by

Penny Smith

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