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5 Behaviors You Must Absolutely Never Tolerate In A Relationship

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Nobody’s perfect. This is especially true in relationships, and you know it. No matter how much you may like to pretend that your significant other is without fault, at the end of the day, you have to admit that everyone has flaws, no matter how much we love them.

In truth, there’s nothing wrong with conceding that point. Love isn’t about infatuation so strong you can’t see the real person behind your idealization, it’s about commitment so deep that you find yourself able to look past someone’s less-than-admirable qualities; you see just how imperfect this person is, and love them anyway.

As is always the case with romance, though, you must be careful. Compromising, meeting halfway, and accepting your lover, these are all important if you want a fulfilling relationship, but you can’t allow yourself to become a victim. There are certain behaviors which you simply should not tolerate in a significant other, no matter how much you may find this person attractive, stimulating, and well, loveable.

If you do find yourself with someone displaying the following traits, you should at the very least say something. You shouldn’t be subject to. . .

Impossibly High Standards

In all serious relationships, we’re going to, at some point, need our significant other to take some sort of action they may have been neglecting. Maybe they need to contribute more to the relationship, maybe they have a tendency to talk about an ex too much, maybe they have an unhealthy habit that’s preventing the relationship from growing; whatever the case may be, the truth is, our lovers need to learn to accommodate our needs.

The same goes for you. If your partner indicates that there is something about yourself they’d like you to change, it’s important to pay attention. They may have a valid point to make.

If, however, you find that after making consistent, legitimate efforts to remedy a situation, your partner simply finds another behavior with which to take issue, you have to take a stand. You didn’t get in a relationship so someone could fix you, and your significant other shouldn’t want to. When you realize that the person you’re with is impossible to please, you have to let them know that maybe this is their problem, and not yours.

Disrespect

Passion fades. Attraction fades. Respect, if you’re in a healthy relationship, grows. It provides the foundation for romantic success.

That’s why it is of the utmost importance that you find yourself with someone who shows you that necessary degree of respect. As a couple, you will fight. That’s just something that can’t be avoided.

Fights, though, should be an honest – though admittedly tempestuous – attempt to resolve a disagreement. If you find that your partner is using them as an excuse to mistreat you, it’s time to step back and assess whether or not this relationship is healthy.

You should also be sure to understand that arguments are not the only occasion during which your partner may show you disrespect. Sometimes, it’s subtle: a cutting joke they knew would hurt your feelings, a mild refusal to take your complaints seriously, a sarcastic response to a heartfelt request.

Relationships aren’t always easy, and you and your partner won’t always get along. You should, however, always respect each other.

Imbalance

Relationships are partnerships. And no partnership, no matter what the context, can thrive if one member fails to contribute towards the overall goal.

As a couple, your goal is to share a life together. In your high school and college years, dating was simple; you were content to merely share your time with someone you “liked.??? As adults, you need to think about finances, about lifestyle, about a home.

To ensure that these concerns are addressed, there must be an equal division of responsibility. It certainly doesn’t need to be “traditional,??? either; if the man makes the money and the woman raises the kids (if you even want kids), that’s fine, but it’s not the only option. You can both have jobs. The man can take care of the domestic responsibilities, while the woman works. There are endless ways to make sure both parties are involved in the success of the relationship.

If, however, one half of the couple makes the money, and tends to the kids, and cooks, and cleans, and takes care of all of the myriad duties that go into making a relationship work, it’s not a true partnership. You may not know it – in fact, your partner may not even know it – but you’re being used.

In a healthy relationship, that’s simply not acceptable.

Unrealistic Expectations

Society, upbringing, and natural instincts have all led us to develop certain beliefs about the “ideal??? partner. They vary from person to person, of course, but we’re all familiar with the idea that a man should be confident and strong, or that a woman should be submissive and nurturing. These are just two examples of the many archetypes we’ve all created for ourselves and our partners.

Obviously, such expectations are ridiculous and limiting, but many of us fail to completely rid them from our minds.

However, in a long-term relationship, both partners will stray from such delusional expectations. Human beings are far more complex than any archetype we could possibly imagine. In a healthy romance, your significant other will accept the fact that you’ve deviated from their version of a “perfect” man or “perfect” woman.

Some partners, however, won’t be so understanding. They’ll react in anger and surprise when they realize that you’re actually a real person, who doesn’t always conform to ideals.

Unfortunately, you should not be with someone who isn’t willing to grant you the luxury of being your natural self. Your partner may expect strength, but sometimes, you have to show weakness. They may want you to take a submissive role, but perhaps you feel the need to assert yourself sometimes. That’s simply human, and in a relationship, it should be understood.

Obsession

This is easy to overlook. The previous examples involved behaviors in which your partner victimizes you, even if they do so in subtle ways.

In this instance, you’re with a partner who adores you so deeply that they’ve sacrificed their own identity in order to make you happy.

Sure, it can make for a fairly pleasant experience on your end – so long as it’s not overbearing, of course – but it doesn’t allow a relationship to flourish in the long run. For two people to enjoy an enduring and healthy romance, they must be able to merge their personalities, desires, and ambitions.

A partner who gives this all up simply for the privilege of being with you isn’t one who is truly ready for a healthy relationship. They’re trying to fill some sort of void, and it doesn’t need to be all that complex; maybe they’re simply very attracted to you physically, and don’t want to lose the sexual pleasure that accompanies your relationship. There doesn’t need to be a deep psychological root to your partner’s obsessive behavior.

There does need to be an end to it, though. As the years go on, it won’t make either of you happy, even if you both think you’re happy now.


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