Relationships involve compromise, and sometimes that compromise involves changing aspects of yourself. We may be pretty damn awesome, but in order to enjoy lasting romantic success, we must also allow ourselves to admit that we’re not perfect. No one is.
The danger, though, is in making sure that you don’t change too much about yourself just to make your partner happy. While certain habits or attitudes may require an adjustment, other elements of who you are should be maintained.
1. Your Friends Were Your Friends Before Any Girl/Boyfriend
Friends are the family you choose. The people with whom you choose to spend your free time are a reflection of the person you are, and the type of person you enjoy the company of.
A partner who asks you to abandon them is a partner who blatantly disrespects your ability to make mature choices. Whatever reason they may have for disliking the important people in your life, they’re failing to accept you as an individual who knows what is in your own best interests.
2. The code you live life by is open to amendments, but not re-writes.
Whatever principles or values guide your life – morals, political views, spiritual perspective – you’ve probably cultivated them over a lifetime of experience. It’s your own choice to continue to live a life in line with them or pursue new paths.
Your partner does not get to make that decision for you. You don’t necessarily need to agree but you do need to know that the person you’re with isn’t trying to change a fundamental aspect of who you are.
3. Hobbies are often the only thing that keeps you sane, don’t let go of them.
Odds are, you don’t do the kind of work that you absolutely love. Your job allows you to collect a paycheck and support yourself. Your hobbies allow you to pursue your passions.
When your partner asks you to drop your hobbies, they’re telling you to stop doing that which allows you to enjoy life. What could be more important than that?
4. You lived an entire life before meeting them, don’t ever forget that.
To some degree, you and your significant other will have to adapt to each other’s lifestyles, but this shouldn’t go so far that you end up losing the habits that defined you.
Even if you suspect that you may enjoy some of your partner’s suggestions, such as working out more or spending more time outdoors, the problem develops when you realize that there are no limits to those suggestions. If you’re being asked to make such substantial changes, what does that say about how your SO feels about you?
5. Your fundamental outlook on life.
Obviously, sometimes our attitudes can work against us; many people with depression have learned the benefits of striving to develop a more “glass-half-full” state of mind. In general, though, our attitudes tend to give us a set, dependable, comfortable way of navigating life.
As such, no one should ask you to change for their benefit. The only time it would be acceptable is if a significant other sees you suffering from a mental illness that might be improved by a shift in perspective.
More often than not, though, romantic partners who want you to change your attitude are making that request because they feel inconvenienced, annoyed, or confused by how you live your life.
